


Anchor To Hold

by bah0rel



Series: Not Another AU [1]
Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-07 12:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15907887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bah0rel/pseuds/bah0rel
Summary: Claire Beauchamp is a medical student living in Edinburgh, living day-to-day with her fiance, Frank, trying to navigate her way through her feelings and studies. She thought she would have to settle for her quiet uneventful life with Frank Randall, that is until Jamie Fraser appeared in her life one day. Then her life really became interesting.





	1. Chapter One

“Oh, bugger!” Claire muttered under her breath, taking a seat on the bitterly cold bus, rubbing her hands together as she sat. She could scarcely see out the bus window, it was six am and the frost was just beginning to thaw from the windows. Clearly this bus had not long left the depot and began its daily tour of Edinburgh. With each stop more passengers got on, all with different days ahead. Looking around, it was clear who was going where. Some going to their respective lectures, others heading into town to begin their respective retail jobs and others, well it was clear they were heading into different office jobs. However, Claire had much different ideas for her day. This was the first bus out of her two-bus journey to Little France, where Claire was in her final year of her General Surgery PHD – a science she had been enthralled with since she was just a girl, travelling the world with her late Uncle Lamb.

Claire smiled softly, looking out the window of the bus. It was times like this she enjoyed, the peaceful roads, the cold mornings, and the journey to the hospital most of all. While she was studying, she took as many shifts at the hospital as she could manage – after all she did need as much experience as she could get and while it could be an inconvenience, she didn’t much mind the two buses she needed to take from Oxgangs to Little France. It was often, the only time she could take for herself - a welcome time to gather her thoughts and relax. 

She felt a soft buzz in the pocket of her winter coat, pulling out her phone, a text from her fiancé, Frank, appeared; “Good morning, love. Must have just missed you. Have a good day. F x”. Her smile faltered a little. While it was clear Frank had loved Claire, she was beginning to fear herself that she did not feel quite the same. Leaving the house early was a deliberate attempt to avoid Frank, a deliberate attempt to have time to gather her thoughts on her life and situation. She sighed a little, typing out a reply – trying her best to keep up appearances until she could figure herself out. “Morning, love. Sorry, I needed to get in early. Joe and I having to go over lecture notes ahead of mock surgeries today. Will see you after my shift. C x”. After hitting send, Claire slid her phone into her pocket and let herself fall into her thoughts. 

“Well, well, well if it isn’t the fabulous Lady Jane herself!” A familiar American voice called out behind Claire. Joe Abernathy jogged to catch up with her, she beamed back at him as he came closer. “Ready for today’s fabulous shift? ‘Cause I sure as hell am not!” Claire laughed softly at him, “When are you ever ready for a 14-hour day?” He pointed at her with a grin on his face, “You just know me!”. Claire just laughed at him, shrugging her shoulders in agreement.  
“Y’know, Joe, I really hate these bloody NHS scrubs, they honestly aren’t the most flattering attire.” Claire mused, tying her thick dark curls back in a scrunchie. “I can agree to that L.J. but unfortunately needs must!” Joe agreed, hanging his coat up on the rack before moving to grab his coffee off the desk. “If only that Hancock fellow would take a leaf out of America’s book and get those scrubs that would be fab.” Joe nodded, clearly thinking that those scrubs would be better. “Actually, Joe,” Claire chuckled, “I think even the type of scrubs nurses wear would be better than the ones we have to wear.” With a shrug of his shoulders, Joe agreed.  
The first few hours of their day seemed to drag, “A quiet day in paradise” Claire thought to herself. On days like today, Claire liked to help the nurses when she could – anything to keep herself busy. However, this was not always appreciated by some Senior Staff nurses. When she would eventually be shooed away from this, she decided to sit down in the hospital café, trying to write up notes on her latest surgeries. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
“Now, James Alexander Malcom MacKenzie Fraser, am no gonnae to tell you again,“ Ellen Fraser piped up, staring up at her son with a look so mother-bear like, “ye need to grow a pair and leave that girl. She’s makin’ you miserable!” 

“Ach, Ma’, I’ll dae it when am ready!” Jamie answered back, trying to shrug off his mothers comments. He knew she didn’t ever like Laoghaire, she was only meant to be a fling. But the poor wee lass had fallen head over heels with Jamie, a sentiment he did not reciprocate. “Aye, well I’ve heard that one before.” Ellen muttered, rolling her eyes and climbed out the car. With a sigh, Jamie followed suit, accidentally slamming the door of the car shut and ducked as he realised what he did – his mother did have a hand for clouting the back of his head, even now he was twenty-three.

“Now, lets go see how Jenny’s getting on with the bairn,” his mother smiled, heading towards the main entrance of the Royal Infirmary. Hands stuffed in his pocket, Jamie followed – why he was dragged to the hospital and not his older brother Willie, he would never understand, but alas, he did what he was told and followed his mother in to see his sister and newest niece.  
Looking at her watch, Ellen sighed and turned to Jamie, “We’re a wee bitty early, visiting doesn’t start for another twenty minutes. Fancy a cuppa?” Jamie nodded, “Aye, please. It’s bloody baltic so ah need something to heat me up!” Ellen chuckled and took him towards the café.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Claire ran her fingers through her hair, trying to remember what happened at the last of her weekly surgeries – unfortunately, she needed to keep a detailed record of each surgery she did in order to write up her final assessment. With a sigh, she pulled her glasses off her face and placed them on her notebook carefully before running her hands down her face. She was normally excellent at remembering every detail of her surgeries, but she knew deep down there was one thing plaguing her mind – Frank. When she couldn’t be kept busy, he crept into her mind, guilt coursing through her as she thought of him. Maybe she should just call off the wedding, try and be single for a while, after all, she hadn’t been single since she was 19. Maybe she just needed time to be herself and not have to worry. Claire picked up her coffee mug and sat back, allowing herself to fall into her thoughts. 

“Uhm, ‘scuse me?” Claire was suddenly awoken from her thoughts to see a tall Scotsman stood in beside her, trying to get her attention. “Sorry, is this chair taken? Only I need it for my Ma.” The Scotsman asked, gesturing to the empty chair across from Claire. “Oh, sorry. Uhm, it’s not, just take it!” Claire smiled up at him. As she looked at him, she could feel a small flutter in her heart and her breath caught in her throat. “Cheers.” The Scotsman replied, grabbing the chair from across the table and sat it at another table. Sneakily, Claire glanced at him – taking in his features. While she lived in Scotland, Claire had never really paid attention to many Scotsmen, after all, she had been engaged to Frank. But there was something about this Scotsman in particular that sparked her interest – he was tall, incredibly handsome, polite and had the most beautiful red curls she had ever seen (a trait more often seen on the Jimmy Hats sold in tourist shops than on an actual person). Quickly, she snapped herself out of the trance she had fallen into, reminding herself that she was still engaged to Frank and shouldn’t be allowing her mind to wander to other men – even if they were as handsome as this Scotsman. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Jamie sat down next to his Ma’, trying not to have his back to the beautiful English woman he had just spoken to. “Ye alright, son?” Ellen asked. “Aye, Ma’.” He replied, grinning. “Am grand.” Ellen chuckled at him, “Is yer big grin to dae wi’ the Sassenach sitting over there?” Jamie flushed a shade of red. “Naw, its no.” He shuffled trying to hide it. But his grin didn’t falter as he took another glance at the Sassenach.  
Jamie tried his best not to stare, but he needed to take in all the features he could of this woman. He admired her unruly coffee coloured curls, a trait that women often try to hide or tie back tight (at least that’s what the curly haired woman he knew did). As he admired her, he felt his heart flutter; a feeling that he had not felt in a long time. The woman across from him stood up, gathering the books that cluttered her table into her arms. As she stood up, Jamie admired her from behind – his breath caught in his throat as his eyes caught her backside, it was truly one of the best arses that he’d seen. 

Broken from his admiration, his mother laughed at him. “Will ye just go and get her number ye daft lump.” Jamie gulped, his admiring mightn’t have been as subtle as he thought. “What about Laoghaire, Ma’?” He asked, knowing it wouldn’t be right to be chasing other women while he was still with her, he was raised better than that. “There’s nothing wrong wi’ starting a friendship.” Ellen shrugged with a smile. Jamie sighed and stood up nervously, “Ah suppose no.”.

The woman started to walk away, so it was truly now or ever. Looking for a reason to follow her, Jamie noticed that she had left her phone on the table. “’Scuse me!” He called after her, trying to catch up, “Ye left yer phone!”. The woman turned round, gasping and turned back to him to retrieve her phone. “Oh, thank you so much! I’d be a little lost without that!” She exclaimed. Jamie smirked, his heart fluttering, “Well, am glad to be of service.” He handed it over to her carefully. She thanked him and went to turn away, appearing that she was needing to be somewhere. “Uhm, wait!” Jamie called nervously. The woman turned round once more “Have I forgotten something else?” Jamie shook his head softly, palms sweating with nerves. “Well, uhm, no. But ah was wondering,” he gulped, “ah was wondering if ah could maybe get your number? Tak ye out fur coffee sometime?” The woman smiled a little. “Uh, I’m really sorry but I actually have a fiancé…” Jamie felt his heart shatter a little bit – not that it had the right to, he was still with Laoghaire. “You thought I wanted a relationship? Naw, I just saw you and thought you’d make a good friend.” He said, knowing his mum was right. There is nothing wrong with starting a friendship. “Well, in that case,” the woman chuckled, ripping a bit of her notebook and scribbled down her number and passed it over to him, “there you go.” Jamie beamed at her. “I may actually need a name, y’ken, because I doubt ‘doctor lady’ will go nice in my phone.” A sweet laugh escaped her lips and Jamie felt his heart flutter again. “My name’s Claire. Claire Beauchamp.” Jamie smiled at Claire, “Claire,” he repeated softly, “my name’s Jamie.”. Claire smiled at him and nodded. “Well, nice to meet you Jamie, but I do need to go back on shift.” And with that, she turned and left Jamie stood there with a big cheesy grin plastered on his face. He went back to join him mum, carefully placing Claire’s number in his pocket. Sitting back down next to him mum, he knew he would have to leave Laoghaire. And what a task that would be.


	2. Chapter Two

Claire sighed to herself, sitting down in the staff room, clutching a mug of coffee to her chest. Who was that handsome Scot and why was he continually clouding her thoughts? She hadn’t felt like this since she had initially met Frank. Guilt suddenly flooded through her, while she thought of this handsome Scot, Jamie, she had forgotten of her fiancé. The man she was supposed to be marrying, that is if they ever set a date. Was she really in love with him if she was allowing herself to crush on this Jamie character? Maybe not, but she made a promise. 

“Lady Jane?” Claire snapped out of her thoughts when she heard that familiar American twang. “You alright?” Joe asked, starting to change out of his scrubs. “Oh, I suppose so.” Claire sighed and shrugged, standing up to change also. “Not that I don’t believe you, but I know that tone by now. What’s bothering you, L.J.?” He asked, sliding on his t-shirt and sitting down, inviting Claire to do the same. Accepting the invitation, she sat back down, hesitant to even begin talking, not knowing where to start. “Do you- never mind.” She sighed, shaking her head and running her fingers through her coffee curls. Joe raised an eyebrow, prompting her to continue. “What do you think of Frank?” She asked, not looking at Joe. “Well, I always thought he was a bit boring.” He shrugged. “Why do you ask?” Claire looked up at him and let out a soft sigh. “I’m just beginning to feel, well, a bit bored. Like. Like I’m falling out of love with him ever so slowly....”. Joe nodded, taking in every word she said and evaluating it in his head. “And what’s brought this on, L.J.?”, “Well, I don’t know,” she replied, “I think it might be little things mounting on top of each other. That and -“ she sighed once more, “I met someone at the café on the concourse of the hospital. Briefly. I left my phone at the table and he gave it back and I, well, gave him my number.”. Joe smiled, nodding. “And was he attractive?” He asked, clearly prying, but also trying to help. Claire nodded, her face lighting up in a way Joe hadn’t seen in their two year friendship. A soft smile appeared on her lips and she began to describe this handsome Scot to Joe, her eyes twinkling as she did so. After she finished, Joe was beaming at her. “You sound very much like you have a school girl crush on this Jamie!” He chuckled as Claire flushed a rose colour. “Yeah,” she sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “the only issue I have now, is Frank. I can’t do exactly see this Jamie and be with Frank, even if all this Jamie wants is a friendship.” She sighed, her smile faltering at the thought of Frank once more. “Well, Claire,” Joe said, using her forename to highlight his seriousness, “I think you need to meet this Jamie, if he actually texts you. But you also need to have a good long hard think about your engagement, Frank might not be the one you should marry.” Claire nodded, knowing he was right. But still, she was scared to leave Frank, after all, he was all she’d ever known. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamie sat in his Mum’s car on the way back to his parents home in Musselburgh from the hospital staring at the small bit of paper with Claire’s number etched onto it. Absentmindedly he fiddled about with it, wanting to put it in his phone, but also nervous to in case Laoghaire ever found it. Another task he found himself nervous to do, the task of letting her down gently. His mother glanced across at him, worry etching her features. “Ye alright son?” She asked and Jamie just grunted in relply. “Och, come on yer no a teenager anymore, ye can talk tae yer auld ma surely.” Jamie sighed, still fiddling with Claire’s number. “How’d ye let Murtagh down when ye found out he wanted ye?” He asked his mother, turning his head to look at her. “Well,” she started, looking ahead at the road, “I just had to be honest wi’ him. That’s all I could dae.” She smiled reassuring him. “So a’ve just got to be honest wi’ Laoghaire then? Tell her ah dinnae like her the way she likes me?” He mumbled. “Aye, son. And ye need to dae it sooner rather than later. Especially if ye want to see that Sassenach again.” Ellen smiled. Jamie nodded, unsure of the word Sassenach, but his mother was raised on the islands, a place they spoke Gaelic fluently even to this day. While he understood Gaelic, it wasn’t ever a language he spoke. But he knew it would catch on, especially with his Da’. Jamie remained silent for the rest of the journey back to his parents house, letting his thoughts encapsulate him. 

“How’s Jenny?” Brian Fraser asked his wife, mouth full of his dinner. Ellen rolled her eyes, “Dinnae eat wi’ yer mouth full! We tell Wee Jamie aff fur that!” She said, pointing a fork threateningly at her husband. Brian just smiled in return, swallowing. “Am sorry, I’m just hungry, darlin’. But I say again, how’s Jenny?” Ellen smiled fondly at him. “She’s alright, hoping to get home soon wi’ wee Maggie.”. Brian nodded, looking at his youngest bairn. “And what’s up wi’ him?” He gestured towards Jamie, who was sat on the couch, frowning at his phone. “Ach, he met this Sassenach doctor at the hospital and he’s been infatuated with her ever since.” Ellen smiled fondly towards her wee boy, hoping he would work things out soon. “Oh he has has he? Well hopefully this Sassenach makes him see sense and makes him chuck that Laoghaire. Ah cannas stand her.” Ellen chuckled at her husbands remarks. “My sentiments exactly, Bri.”. 

Jamie had heard every word of his parents conversation, after all, he was sat on the sofa that just so happened to be next to the dining table. But it just proved even more that his parents really didn’t approve of Laoghaire- which of course, made him wonder, why was he still with her? He didn’t care for her, other than as a friend of course. Maybe he didn’t want the drama and the hissy fits that would follow so he was just better staying with her to keep her happy? He honestly didn’t know. But now this Claire was in the picture, he knew he needed to let her down gently. And his Ma’ was right, it had to be sooner rather than later. Pulling up Laoghaire’s number on his phone, he decided to phone her. 

Later on that evening, Jamie was sat on his mother’s sofa, mouthing the words ‘help me’ to his older brother as he tried to comfort a hysteric Laoghaire. Willie just shook his head, a cheeky grin plastered on his face as he walked out of the living room. “How could ye dae this tae me Jamie Fraser!” Laoghaire wailed, looking up at him with puffy eyes. “Is there another woman? Am a no good enough fur ye?” Jamie winced a little, shaking his head. “Laoghaire....Ah just don’t feel the same anymore an’ ah think ye should be wi’ someone that does feel the same as ye.” He tried to reassure her, yet taking his arm away from her and standing up. Laoghaire howled once more, blowing her nose as she did. Jamie sighed, this is why he held off ending things with her, he really did not know how to let someone down gently or not. “Look, Laoghaire I’ll phone ye a taxi and get ye home. Ah think ma Da’s itching to watch Emmerdale.” Laoghaire howled once more, standing up and trying to pull Jamie into hug- one that he very quickly dodged. She sniffled, trying to calm herself down as Jamie called for a taxi. 

“Ah always kent that she was batshit crazy.” Brian muttered as he managed to finally sit down on his chair, his slippered feet placed on the pouffe. Jamie just sighed, shrugging. He’d be lying if he said that he wouldn’t miss her, but he also felt relief as he now knew that he was no longer tied to her. But now the other task came about. Texting Claire. How was he meant to do that? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Evening, love.” Frank smiled, placing a kiss on Claire’s temple. She smiled weakly at him, unmoving from her position on the sofa. “How was work, darling?” He asked, heading towards the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. “Fairly uneventful.” She replied, flicking through the medical journal placed in her lap, trying not to think of Jamie as she did so. Frank came back through, his favourite mug in hand as he sat down next to her. “So nothing important then?” She shook her head. “Same old.” Frank smiled at her, kicking off his shoes and loosening his tie before grabbing the remote for the TV. “I’m going to go for a hot bath,” she smiled, “while uneventful, it has been a long day.” Frank nodded, leaning over to give her a kiss. “Okay, love. Let me know if you need anything.” Claire nodded, smiling at him and headed through to the bathroom to run herself a bath. 

It was a rare occurrence for Claire to bring her phone to the bathroom, a bath was often technology free and a place to relax and unwind. However, today was different. She was hoping that the dashing red headed Jamie would text her. Despite being engaged to Frank, she was happy to welcome this new and exciting friendship into her life. There was no harm in meeting him for a coffee, a man and a woman could be friends. Even if she did find him oh so incredibly attractive. 

Claire settled into her bath, leaning back and closing her eyes. Not long after she got comfortable, she heard her phone buzz. Sitting up, she pulled it off the windowsill and looked at it. 

“Hello Doctor Lady, it’s Jamie!” Claire smiled at the text, quickly saving his number to her phone and typing out a reply. “Ah well, isn’t it my saviour! Thank you again for giving me my phone back, truly would have been lost without it!”, she replied. “It was the least I could do, couldn’t leave a beautiful woman such as yourself without means of contacting anyone.;)”. Claire chuckled at his reply, putting her phone down. She couldn’t let herself get too into this, it’s just a possible friendship. Nothing more. “Sooooo....that coffee I was talking about. Would you like to go for one sometime?” Another text from Jamie came through. Claire sighed a little, it is what she was hoping for. She looked at the door, thinking of Frank. “That would be lovely. I actually have a day free tomorrow if you want to meet then?”. A friendship can’t hurt anyone. “I’m game. Where?” Claire sighed, trying to think where would be suitable - a place that Frank wouldn’t see her. But that’s stupid. It’s just a friendship. “Starbucks in the Waverly Mall?” It took a while for Jamie to reply and Claire could feel herself gagging for his reply, the excitement building. “That sounds perfect- not far from my flat!”. Claire smiled at her phone. “See you tomorrow. C x”. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamie read Claire’s last text over and over again, smiling like a bairn who was allowed an ice cream from the van. He could scarcely sleep for thinking of her, her whisky coloured eyes, her thick dark curls and her smile, oh how her smile made his stomach do back flips just by thinking of it. Tomorrow is too far away, he thought. 

Trying not to jump the gun but failing, Jamie appeared at Starbucks a short while earlier than they’d agreed- but no matter, a cup of tea before they meet might actually wake him up a bit. After ordering and collecting his tea, he sat down on a chair, pulling out his phone and scrolling through Facebook, hoping to find this mysterious Claire Beauchamp on it. 

“Jamie?” An English voice awoke him from his scrolling and he looked up, grinning when he saw the gorgeous Claire standing next to his table, coffee in hand. “Claire!” He grinned, gesturing for her to sit. She did so, smiling and holding our her hand for him to shake, nervously, he shook her hand while hoping his hand wasn’t overly sweaty. Claire settled in properly and smiled at him. “How are you today?” She asked, taking a sip of her caramel mocha. “Ahm, uh, ahm okay. Yourself?” She smiled, nodding. “I’m okay too.” Both nervous with the situation, they didn’t quite know what to say or how to break the ice so sat peacefully for a few moments, enjoying their respective hot drinks. Eventually, they got talking and once they had it was difficult for them to stop - each finding out what they did for a living. Claire, surprised to hear, that Jamie worked for a publishing company in Edinburgh and Jamie, not at all surprised to hear that Claire was studying general surgery at the Royal Infirmary. Deep in conversation, they did not quite keep track of time or who was coming and going around them. 

“Claire?” A familiar voice came up behind her and she froze - Jamie clearly seeing her happiness falter as she realised who it was that found her. “Frank, darling?” She tried to smile as she turned round to see him. “What are you doing here?” He grinned at her, leaning down for a kiss. “And who is this?” He asked, gesturing towards Jamie. “Oh him?” Claire smiled, resting her hand atop Franks that was, rather possessively clutching her shoulder, “this is Jamie. Someone I met the other day at work.” Frank nodded, keeping an eye on Jamie, a gesture that made Jamie feel rather uncomfortable. “You’re a Doctor then?” He asked. Jamie shook his head. “No, ahm a publisher. I just met Claire at the hospital.” He gulped - there was something about Frank that seemed so familiar and Jamie didn’t like it one bit. Frank nodded at him, a flash of jealously across his eyes. “Right, if course. Well, I’m going to get a coffee. Fancy anything love?” He asked Claire, she nodded in reply. “Yes please. Caramel mocha.” She smiled as he nodded and went off to get it. 

“Sorry about that, he’s my fiancé.” She smiled weakly. “He just doesn’t expect me to have any friends outside work,” she shrugged, “or a social life for that matter.” Jamie shook his head with a soft laugh. “Yer kiddin’ me?” She shrugged. “‘Fraid not, unfortunately. He seems to think all I have is work and him.” Jamie laughed a little. “Doesnae seem fair at all. But I suppose there’s nothing ye can do can ye?” Claire simply shook her head in response, a week smile plastered on her face - faltering slightly as Frank came back with her coffee-to-go. A hint that he was taking her with him. “Well, goodbye, Jamie.” Frank said, taking Claire’s hand. “Aye, Bye.” Jamie said, giving them a small awkward and forced wave as Frank took Claire from him. As he watched her leave, his heart ached for her. Longing just to hold her in his arms, but alas, that couldn’t be. For she was his and he promised himself that he could be friends with her. He hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one night! Aren’t we lucky! So I can’t sleep (it’s like 3am lmao) so I decided to write another chapter! It’s been written on my phone so I’m so so sorry if there’s any issues! 
> 
> I’m also trying my best to write Jamie with a Scottish accent, it’s actually really difficult to type how I speak! 
> 
> Either way I hope you enjoy! I may go start chapter three now!;) 
> 
> Jem   
> x


	3. Chapter Three

As weeks passed, Jamie and Claire met more often, their friendship truly sparking. Claire realised that Jamie was more than just his looks; he was a sweet and quiet young man that had a passion for protecting those and what he loves. Jamie had realised that Claire was an intelligent, strong-willed woman and oh how he loved that about her. It was just a shame that she was with Frank. Still, Jamie willed for her to leave Frank so he could make a move, but she must have been happy with Frank he supposed. 

Jamie was awoken from his thoughts by a loud banging on his door, clearly, someone was impatient and desperate. “Alright, am comin’!” He shouted, jumping up from his sofa and jogging to the front door to answer it. On the other side of the door, Claire was stood there all puffy eyed. “Claire!” Jamie gasped, pulling her in and closing the door softly behind him. “What happened?” Claire was rasping, trying to catch her breath. Worried about her, Jamie put his arms around her shoulder and led her towards his sofa. Once they were sat down and settled, Claire tried to slow her breathing – knowing she was clearly in a weird state of dismay. “F-Frank-,“ she hiccupped, “Frank left me.” Jamie felt himself smirk, happy that Frank was out of the picture, but quickly got over it because he couldn’t swoop in that quickly. “Oh, Claire,” he mumbled, pulling her into a cuddle to try and soothe her, “I’m so sorry.” Not. Claire sniffled a little. “Thanks, Jamie…” They sat there for a while, quite content as Claire calmed down – Jamie had that effect on her, and she couldn’t explain why. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frank threw a mug across the room, frightening Claire in the process. “You’ve been spending far too much time with that Jamie! It’s always Jamie this and Jamie that! I can’t stand it!” He shouted. Frank looked dishevelled and at his wit's end and this was the final straw – he couldn’t stand it anymore, he was losing Claire bit by bit. “How can I be spending too much time with him, Frank! We just met a month ago, we’ve only met a handful of times!” Claire replied, running her hands through her long curls in distress – this was the last thing she needed considering she had plenty of essays and notes to write up for her classes. “Yes, of course, a handful of times! Each!” Frank sniped. “I haven’t seen you properly in weeks, yet I can guarantee that you’ve seen that Jamie on your days off!” Claire rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well I’m sorry our days off don’t line up! I’m sorry that I have a friend that I actually enjoy spending time with!” Frank scoffed. “What?!” She shouted at him, “am I not allowed to have male friends?” Claire barked, furious that Frank was throwing a strop over Jamie. He never did throw a strop over her friendship with Joe. Maybe he was feeling threatened? “I’m not saying that, Claire! I’m just saying you haven’t made any time for me! Your bloody fiancé!” This much was true. Since she met Jamie she hadn’t really made time for Frank, she’d forgotten that she was meant to be planning a wedding with him. “Y’know, maybe I’ll make things easier for you,” Frank sighed, running his fingers through his short sandy-blonde hair. Claire looked up at him, half expecting this argument to come to this. “Maybe you should move out. The weddings off.” Frank was visibly starting to cry, he knew that she needed friends – but he couldn’t cope with whoever this Jamie was. He knew for a fact that he was losing Claire and if he didn’t let her go now, she would either stay out of pity or drag it out too long. Even if she wouldn’t admit it to herself, or anyone else for that matter, Frank knew that Claire had feelings for this Jamie and he would be stupid not to feel the same for her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later, Jamie woke Claire up from her exhaustion nap with a warm cup of tea – coffee being something that he didn’t score due to the fact he didn’t actually like it. “Hmm,” Claire mumbled sleepily, slowly waking up. “Sorry, Jamie. I didn’t mean to crash your evening…” Jamie shrugged with a soft sympathetic smile. “S’okay, Claire, I think ye needed a place to crash anyway. Well, somewhere that isnae Franks of course.” Claire nodded softly, a sad smile on her face. It would be a lie to say that she wasn’t relieved that she no longer had to worry about letting Frank down, but she still felt incredibly guilty about everything that happened leading up to their separation – and all the explaining Frank was going to have to do to his family. Claire looked at her left hand, her ring finger looking bare - a sight she hadn’t seen in almost two years, it felt naked now. But she just had to deal with it. It was going to happen eventually, she just didn’t expect Frank to fly off the handle about it the way he did over her meeting Jamie for coffee. Unless he was hiding something? No. He wouldn’t, Frank isn’t that kind of person. Claire sobered her thoughts and smiled at Jamie. “Thank you anyway. For letting me have a nap. I should probably go phone Joe and see if he can put me up for a while.” She stood up, wrapping the blanket around her like a cape and ventured across his unbelievably large living room to phone Joe. 

Jamie sat willingly for Joe to say she couldn’t say so that he could swoop in and invite her to stay. But that wouldn’t be wise - she’s just out of a long relationship and he was head over heels in love with her. So the honourable thing to do was leave her to ask Joe. And Joe would say yes. Because Joe is a good friend, Joe cares deeply for her and wouldn’t see his friend out on the streets. And for that, Jamie was grateful. 

“Uh, Joe’s coming to pick me up in a short while and take me to his. Thank you again, Jamie. It really means a lot that I could turn to you.” Claire gave the redhead a weak smile and sat down next to him. “I suppose that saves me breaking up with him.” She mused, turning her attention to the TV that played some strange game show. Jamie looked at her, the way a Disney prince would stare at his princess when he knew she wasn't looking, his blue eyes aching for her. 

A while later, Jamie was alone in his flat. Claire had gone home with Joe, a place she knew she would be able to stay as long as she had hoped. It was mentioned to Jamie in passing that Joe was looking for a roommate because ”Edinburgh rent is ridiculous”, so it looks as though he got a roommate in the end. 

Jamie's phone buzzed, an unknown number popping up on it. ”Hey man, it's Joe, got your number off of Claire. Thank you for taking her in - I'm not surprised she ran to you first. She's safe now, doing a typical Claire Beauchamp and hiding from her problems in a bath. See you later. Joe.” Jamie smiled a little bit at the text, typing out a reply. ”Its no bother. Make sure she knows I'm here if she needs me.” Jamie ached for her to know that. He ached to hold her in his arms and soothe Frank out of her mind. But that wasn't proper, he needed to give her time and space before swooping in with his dashing looks and charm. 

For now, Jamie would just need to make do with what he had. Claire Beauchamp was his friend and it would have to stay that way until she was ready. However long that might be. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claire sighed, trying to study with Joe - they had their end of semester exams approaching at great speed but her mind was wandering to other places. First, it was Frank and how she missed him or rather missed the routine she had developed with him, but that's all her engagement was. Routine. Once Frank left her mind, it wandered to Jamie, the dashing, attractive red-headed Scot that seemed to creep into her mind often. She didn't know why she turned to him first, out of every one of her other friends. She did feel more at home with him that she did with anyone else. 

”You thinking of that handsome Scot again?” Joe beamed at her, causing her to sober from her thoughts. ”Uh, ” she hesitated, ”maybe a little bit.” A blush creeping on her face. ”He seems like a decent guy,” Joe remarked. ”You have no idea...” Claire replied, thinking of the times she and Jamie had spent together in the time they had met. ”I think you should ask him out, L.J,” Joe smirked, nudging her a little bit. ”I think you need to get yourself back out there anyway, it’s been a week since Frank left you and I'm sure he's already dating again - I saw him with some random chick the other day.” Claire’s brow furrowed as she looked at Joe. ”Wait, Frank’s already got someone new? That was fast. Unless...” Claire looked down, thoughts automatically jumping to conclusions. ”Nah, L.J., he probably just saw a cute girl and jumped on it, could have been their first date for all I know.” Joe reassured her, lying a bit. He knew that wasn't the first time Frank had seen this woman and Joe had already confronted him about this. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The woman Frank was caught with, was someone that Frank had eyes for, for some time, yet never once did he act upon the lust. The thought never crossed his mind until Jamie Fraser came into their lives. As he saw Claire slowly slipping from him and closer to Jamie, he decided to use this to his advantage, citing Jamie for their separation and it was a believable story - because Claire was going to leave Frank for Jamie, he just didn't know when. Fed up with the waiting, Frank allowed himself to become worked up with the situation and eventually his frustration reached a head, causing him to lash out and thus causing him to call off their engagement. 

Once Frank had cooled down, he realised what he had done. In a fit mixed between jealousy and resentment, Frank terrified Claire and, for all he knew, left her homeless. As much as Frank had been frustrated with her in recent weeks, he had never meant to scare Claire and drive her away from him that far. However, he felt relief. Relief that he would no longer have to compete with the red-headed Scot. 

In one last fit of jealousy, Frank let Claire go. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to her; ”I hope you will be happy with him.”. The text held no sincerity in it, he hoped that she would come grovelling back to him. An act that would never come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So another wee chapter for you all! It's a short one, ish. But I hope you like it all the same! 
> 
> Wee bitty rushed because I wanted the Frank/Claire relationship over and done with before I go back to uni officially on Monday so I can really start on the Jamie/Claire storyline! 
> 
> Enjoy!   
> Jem   
> X


	4. Chapter Four

”So are you actually going to ask this Jamie out on a date or not?” Joe asked. Claire signed, putting her pen down. ”Really? This again? Frank JUST left me; its too soon to go galavanting around with Jamie.” She looked her friend in the eye, raising a soft brow, shrugging. ”Plus, I doubt he’s even interested.” Joe let out a little laugh, covering his mouth to hide it. ”You’re kidding, right?” Claire rolled her eyes. ”Just because a man is nice to me and looks out for me, doesn't mean he's in love with me. I mean, you do the same and you're not in love with me. I hope.” She rolled her eyes, picking up her pen to study more. ”Well no, ” Joe started, ”but you're my best friend, L.J. so you know that in a way, I love you.” Claire looked up at him and gave him a soft smile, appreciating the sentiment, but desperate to continue with revision for her final exam the next morning. ”I love you too.” and with that, the conversation was left.

 

Settling down into bed, Claire wrapped as many blankets around her as she could, longing to feel the warmth of someone next to her and an abundance of pillows blankets were the closest things had to hand. While she missed the feeling of having someone next to her, she was grateful she no longer had to pretend to love Frank anymore, that burden was thankfully lifted and she could be herself for a while. As she drifted off, she began to dream of Jamie - her latest and, oh so gorgeous new friend.

 

_Jamie smirked at her, pulling her in close to him. Claire felt her breath hitch in her throat as he pulled her in closer and as he started to kiss her, she felt an overwhelming need for him flush through her body. Moving away from her lips, Jamie began to kiss along her jaw and down her neck, nipping her skin with his teeth a little, deliberately trying to mark her as his own. Claire let out a soft gasp, desperate for his touch, she tugged at the bottom of his t-shirt in an attempt to take it off. Taking this hint, he stepped back, pulling his t-shirt off, revealing an incredibly chiselled torso. He smirked at her, ”your turn.”, and pulled off her scrubs top, revealing her deep red laced bralette. Cupping her breasts, Jamie grinned, leaning in to give her one long kiss before pushing her back on the bed and pulling her bottoms off, grinning at the sight. Happy with the sight in front of him, Jamie stripped from the last of his clothes, leaning down and kissing Claire once again, this time moving his kisses down her body, paying attention to every curve until he reached her vagina - once he reached there, he grinned up at her before nestling his face between her legs leaving her crying out for more. “J-Jamie....oh, Jamie....” She moaned, clutching the covers feeling herself ready to climax -_

 

Rudely awoken by the sound of her alarm, Claire sighed, sitting up slowly. As she sat up, she let out a little whine, confused at the dream she just experienced - yet knowing she was going to have to pull out her trusty, yet secret, vibrator, to relieve the sexual tension she had built from that weird sex dream.

 

Claire was confused about the dream. She knew that she had plenty built up sexual frustration, after all, it had been months since she had had decent sex, but what confused her was the fact that it was Jamie that was the main star. Thinking it over, maybe Joe was right, she needed to ask Jamie out as soon as possible - it may be worth a shot. Even if it was only friends with benefits - she needn't fall for him.

 

Although she already had, it just wasn't clear to her yet.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

”Huv ye asked that Sassenach doctor out yet, son?” Brian asked his son, mouth full of roast beef - quickly swallowing after he saw the look from his wife, Ellen. ”No, Da’, ah huvnae. She's just out o’ a long term relationship, nae point jumping the gun is there?” Jamie replied, shovelling a few roast potatoes in his mouth, looking away from his Dad. ”Well, will ye hurry up and dae it! Ahm fed up wi’ yer moping about. Ye might miss yer chance wi’ her if ye dinnae hurry and up and tak her out!”, Brian replied, ”and ye need somebody soon tae stop that bloody Laoghaire hounding ye, I swear she's trying to come roon’ here an all!” Jamie sighed, ”aye, Da’, gimme time.” Ellen placed a caring hand over her sons, ”take yer time, son, dinnae listen tae grumpy over there - just dae what ye want when ye want. God knows you did that as a teenager.”, she joked, squeezing Jamie's hand softly before continuing to eat her roast dinner.

 

Travelling back to his pesky wee flat from the weekly family dinner at his parents, Jamie stared at his phone, reading through old texts between him and Claire. As he read through them, his heart swelled, desperate to hold her and comfort her. Maybe his Da’ was right, maybe he should just man up and ask her out on a proper date - he just didn't want to jump the gun and seem like that arsehole that's stolen another mans girl. Even if she isn't Franks anymore.

 

Almost on cue, Jamie’s phone began to ring - Claire’s contact photo illuminating the screen. Grinning from ear to ear, Jamie answered - not too quickly, he didn't want to seem desperate. ”Jamie! Hi!” came Claire’s voice from the other end of the line, his heart fluttering hearing his name on her lips. ”Hiya, you okay?” He replied, trying his best not to act like an idiot. ”I’m...fairly good, ” She replied, ”uh, well here goes, ” he heard her mutter, ”would you like to go out sometime? Like, a date?” Jamie felt his heart do backflips in his chest, he couldn't believe this was happening, but never the less, he tried to act cool. ”That would be great, Claire. When’s best for you? I know you have exams coming up, so I wouldn't want to be a distraction.” She had enough distractions this exam season, its a miracle she had even coped with her exam stress considering the heartache she had experienced. ”Actually, any time would be great. I've finished my exams now, so its whenever suits you.” her reply came. ”How about tomorrow?” he asked, hoping she’d say yes - longing she’d say yes. ”That sounds great. Anyway, I’d better go. Joe’s taking me out to Hive to celebrate the end of semester - wish me luck!” she chuckled. ”Good luck! Rather you than me!”. Putting his phone away, he grinned to himself. He was finally getting to go on a date with Claire and he didn't even care that it wasn't him that asked her. He was going to plan a perfect date for her, one that she’ll remember for years.

 

Realising that he hadn't a clue how to do this, he pulled his phone back out and phoned his brother Willie, asking his advice.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Claire held her phone to her mouth, a small smile appearing as she realised what she had done. She and her dashing Scotsman were going out for dinner tomorrow and she still couldn't understand why she was over the moon about it. She had phoned him, mainly to get Joe off her case, but also because she was intrigued by her strange dream - maybe this date would make it a reality...

 

”You ready for pre’s?” Joe asked, popping his head through her door. ”Uh, yeah.” She said, shaking her head as if it would remove the thought of her sex dream from her mind. ”Ooooh, Lady Jane you have a big grin! Did you do it? Did you finally ask your Scotsman out?” He asked, coming further into her room for the gossip. ”Yes, I did! We’re going out tomorrow! Happy now?” She smiled, trying to shoo him out her room as she followed. ”Yes! Maybe now you’ll stop pining for him!” Claire rolled her eyes, smiling from ear to ear.

 

Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter for you all! Almost there for cute fluffy Jamie and Claire stuff! 
> 
> It’ll be shorter chapters from now on, unfortunately, I haven't the time to write long long chapters - but I'll still try and get chapters out as quickly as I can! 
> 
> Jem  
> X


	5. Chapter Five

Claire ran a hand through her dark coffee curls, staring down at the stack of dresses that cluttered her bed - how she had managed to accumulate this many fancy dresses, she didn't know; Frank had very rarely taken her out anywhere fancier than Starbucks. Still, she had a grueling task ahead of her and, unfortunately, no female friends to help her out. 

”Joe?” Claire called, popping her head out her bedroom door. ”Joe, can you help me pick out something to wear pleeeeaaassssee?”, well, someone had to help her - she sucked at being a girl. 

”Just coming, L.J.!”, Joe replied, jumping off the sofa and darting through to her room. ”What are you thinking?” 

Claire motioned to her bed, sighing in frustration. It was her first proper date since she was 19 and boy was she desperate to make an impression - a lasting one. 

Examining the pile, Joe started to sift through it, carefully looking at each item of clothing. With each item of clothing he discarded, he threw them behind him until he settled on two dresses that he knew she would look jaw-dropping in. 

”You need to try them both in, we’ll pick them based on what you look best in!” Joe grinned, handing her both dresses and quickly scurrying out of the room. 

Claire sighed, taking off her pajamas and sliding on the first of the two dresses Joe had shortlisted for her. 

”Ready?” She called, coming out of her room and walking into the living room for Joe to see. Claire twirled in the dress a little, allowing for Joe to get all angles.

She had always loved this dress; a red 1950’s style with white polka dots covering it - and it made her breasts look fantastic if she did say so herself. Definitely a good choice if she wanted to impress Jamie. 

Joe nodded, humming. “It’s a start, maybe a little too much for a date. Next!” He grinned, shooing her back to her bedroom. 

Claire chuckled, rolling her eyes and traipsing back through to her room to change out if this dress. 

Dress number two was a shorter black skater dress; a dress that she did not remember buying, but it was in her wardrobe so she’ll wear it anyway. 

Sliding it on, she gulped - little bit too revealing for her comfort zone. The dress fell mid-thigh, yet exposed her breasts a little more than she had liked. The top of the dress cuffed around her neck, separating into a split to cup her breasts.

”You coming out?” Joe called; knowing she would be having second thoughts about that number. But still, he was sure it would woo Jamie. 

”Uh, yeah, gimme a sec!” Claire replied, still hesitant to go out in the dress. Normally, it wouldn't be a problem for someone to go out in this type of dress. But Claire wasn’t your average girl - she was happiest in jeans and a t-shirt and her normal idea of dressing up would be to wear a smart t-shirt with her usual jeans. But she wanted to impress Jamie; why she didn't know. 

With a gulp she left her room, walking up the hall and into the living room. 

”Are you sure this isn't too much, Joe?” She asked, trying to cover her chest. 

Joe smiled, ”Its perfect. Jamie will just fall to your feet.” 

Claire rolled her eyes. ”Fine, ” she went to turn, “then I'm wearing my docs.” 

Joe shrugged, ”whatever suits your fancy, Lady Jane.” 

Claire smiled, going back through to her room to once again, look over what Joe had picked out - hoping it would go with her Doc. Marten’s. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamie sat on his sofa, legs crossed as he played his Xbox. His Xbox was his way to unwind and calm his anxiety - and God knows his anxiety needed to settle as the time for his date with Claire drew closer.

It was strange; playing violent video games such as Call of Duty or Fallout calmed him. But to each their own. 

”Do you not have that fancy date in a couple hours?” Jamie’s flatmate, Willie, asked, coming into the room and perching on the arm of the sofa. 

”Yeah, yeah, ” Jamie mused, his stare unmoving from the screen in front of him. 

Rolling his eyes, Willie moved to the T.V. and turned it off, causing Jamie to whine loudly. 

”Willie, ah was playin’ that!” 

”Aye, ah ken. But you said that the table was booked for seven.” 

”Uh huh, ” Jamie nodded. ”and yer point is?” 

”It’s five now. And it takes ye half an hour to walk into town and ye’ve still to shower and ye’ve still to iron your shirt. So maybe ye should get a move on?” 

Jamie jumped from his seat, scrambling to his room. ”Ye should have told me sooner!” He shouted, grabbing his shirt and then the ironing board. 

Unfortunately, ironing was never his strong suit. Jamie felt fortunate that while living at home, he never had to do his own ironing; his mother Ellen did it for him, meaning, he hadn't learned. 

Sighing, Willie pushed him out the road, telling him to just go for his shower. He was lucky he had Willie, someone who knew what they were doing with their clothes. 

Jamie beamed at him and thanked him before going through to the bathroom to begin his long routine of getting ready. Getting ready normally, was an easy enough task for him. Jeans, t-shirt and a slick of gel through his hair. However, tonight, he needed to impress Claire. So, jeans and a t-shirt certainly weren’t going to cut it. Thankfully, his Mum had bought him a new shirt for the occasion; out of pride for her ‘baby boy’. Rummaging through his wardrobe, Jamie tried to find the perfect ensemble to go with this new shirt.  
Jeans flew around the room as he huffed. He could not find the perfect pair to impress Claire. Hearing a knock on the door, he sighed, standing straight. “Come in, Willie.”  
“Ye alright? Its quarter to six and ye’ve still no showered.”  
“Aye, ah wid be if ah could settle on a pair of jeans.”  
Willie let out a little laugh, shaking his head and grabbing the Superdry bag that his mother had dropped off earlier in the day.  
“Yer Ma bought ye jeans an all, ye daftie,” Willie laughed, handing him the bag. “Shoes too.”  
Jamie went a shade of red. At twenty-three years old, he didn’t expect his mum to chose his clothes out like a little boy – but he wasn’t going to complain; his mum knew what he liked.  
“Cheers,” He said, “am just gonna go get washed…” He nodded, grabbing his towel and running through to the bathroom.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Single, please.” Claire smiled at the bus driver, paying her fare and climbing up to the top deck. She was most certainly thankful for the fact Joe stayed in Portobello, it was a better bus route and not only because of the new fleet of 26 buses. The route into town was a shorter route, as opposed to coming from Oxgangs, meaning that she could often have longer to lounge about. Of course, today, that was not an issue – she was nervous, more nervous than she had been since starting her PHD. Tonight, she would go on her first date with Jamie. A date she had been anticipating since they had agreed where to go only two days previous.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Jamie shouted goodbye to Willie as he left the flat, nerves flying as he did so. Looking at his watch, he nodded to himself as he began his walk into town. Jamie had worked out earlier that it would take him about half an hour to walk to the restaurant – but as he walked out into the cold December air he instantly regretted the decision to walk. At least the walk would calm his nerves, maybe.  
Claire had left him in charge of arranging the restaurant due to her awkward shift patterns the past couple of days. He didn’t mind this as much, it allowed him to be as romantic as he could with the restaurant. Easier said than done. Wanting to be the big man, Jamie had decided that he wanted to pay for the entirety of the meal, meaning he had to stick to a budget. Easier said than done. In a careful process, he had to rule out restaurants like Bella Italia or Jamie’s Kitchen. Instead, he decided to book a table at Tony Macaroni – not too cheap and not too dear that he would cry at his bank account afterward. Jamie knew he could have asked his parents for the money, but he didn’t want to do that – he’s a man now, even if his Ma’ did treat him like her baby boy.  
Jamie walked into the Omni centre, rubbing his hands to warm them from the cold – it was a long walk from Tollcross down to the Omni centre; but it did calm his nerves. Once he had warmed his hands to a satisfactory level, he stuffed them in his pockets and looked up to pay attention to where he was going. As he turned the corner, his breath caught in his throat. Stood outside the restaurant was Claire – and God she looked gorgeous.  
“Jamie!” She called, waving a little to him. Butterflies fluttered round his stomach and his heart began to do backflips in his chest.  
“Claire, hi!” He smiled, walking up to her and pulling her into a soft cuddle as a friendly gesture. When he pulled back, his soft smile turned into a grin. “Yer looking gorgeous.”  
Claire’s face blushed red, butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. “You’re not looking too bad yourself, Jamie.” She smiled, her hand sliding down to his and holding it to lead him into the restaurant.  
“Hi, got a table booked for Fraser?” Jamie smiled at the host.  
“Certainly, this way please.”  
Jamie and Claire followed the host round to the table that had been set specifically for the couple. Being the gentleman, Jamie allowed Claire to sit in the booth and he sat across from her.  
“And what can drinks can I get for you both?”  
“Uhm, can I please get a gin and tonic?” Claire smiled, looking at the waiter, with a side glance to Jamie.  
“Mhm, and you sir?”  
“A lager please.”  
“Do you have I.D.?”  
Jamie flushed red, pulling out his wallet and grabbing his provisional out to prove that he was in fact twenty-three and not seventeen. Claire giggled at him, clearly finding the situation funny.  
“Oi, wheesht – at least when am forty I’ll still look thirty-four and you’ll look yer age.” He smiled at her, causing her to roll her eyes.  
The waiter thanked them both and left to prepare their drinks.  
The date started off well. It was clear that there was nerves flying around, but the date still felt natural and comfortable, as if it were meant to be. They clinked their glasses, smiling softly at each other and toasting “to us”. As they spoke, they felt themselves fall just that little bit more in love with each other; if it could even be called love, but it was certainly something more than lust or a school crush, they knew that it was going to be something special.  
“So did you always plan on being a publisher?” Claire asked, taking a mouthful of her linguine.  
“Uh, no,” Jamie smiled, “I had wanted to join the army for most of my childhood, but when I got to high school I realised it wasn’t for me. Instead, I settled on publishing. What about you?”  
“Hm?”  
“Did you always want to be a surgeon?”  
Claire shrugged. “Not necessarily a surgeon, I did want to be an elephant at one point. I thought that would be a fun job.” She teased, her eyes lighting up at Jamie’s giggle. “Nah, I knew I wanted to be a doctor of some sort, but it wasn’t until my final year of Sixth Form that I really settled on surgery as a career. Luckily, I had the science grades to do it.”  
Jamie nodded, “Aye, Uni’s difficult to get into. Ah ended up huving tae study in Perth with the University of the Highlands and Islands just tae get ma history degree.”  
“How’s that?”  
“I flunked maths at Standard Grade and for some stupid reason most uni’s want ye huv at least a three in standard grade maths. Yet others only look at yer highers.” He shrugged, picking up a rib and biting into it.  
“I’m going to pretend like I understand what Standard Grades are.” She smiled at him.  
“Basically the old equivalent of GCSE’s, I think. Ye dae them when yer in third and fourth year. Except its nationals now.” He replied and Claire nodded, trying to grasp the concept.  
When it came to paying the bill, Jamie and Claire bickered a little bit. Claire wanting to pay because it was her that had asked him on this date and him refusing to let her because he’s the man and he should pay. Claire rolled her eyes and admitted defeat telling him firmly that she would be paying next time and he didn’t have a choice in the matter, equality and all that. Reluctantly, he agreed to this deal and pay for this meal.  
Both high on happiness with each other, they walked out of the restaurant and out of the back of the Omni centre, their hands clasped tightly.  
“Hold on,” Claire smiled, wanting to sit down on the benches with him for a small while – trying to hold onto as much of the date as she could. Jamie sat down next to her, turning to face her with a soft smile.  
The overwhelming urge to kiss Jamie flushed over Claire. She was unsure if it was proper to throw herself at him, but to hell with being proper – Claire Beauchamp was anything but proper. Before she could even get the chance to make a move, she found Jamie’s lips on hers and she settled into the kiss, allowing it to become more passionate. The sat there for a while, just happy kissing each other.  
Breaking the kiss, Jamie smiled breathlessly. “Your place or mine?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They went on a date! Yey! 
> 
> I'm trying to upload their outfits onto tumblr but it appears to being a pain in the backside, so feel free to follow to see them if they ever decide to upload! (dancinginadaydream.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Jem x


	6. Chapter Six

The pair woke up slowly the next morning, their naked bodies intertwined, clothes littered over the floor from the night before. Claire smiled softly at her dashing Scot, planting a soft kiss on the edge of his nose. 

”Mmmm, morning Sassenach.” He mumbled, kissing her lips just as softly as she kissed his nose. 

”Sassenach?” She asked, wakening up and wriggling out of his arms to sit up. She hadn't been in Scotland for long, but she had been here long enough to know that Sassenach wasn't often a kind term. 

The term meant outlander, specifically an English outlander. And for Jamie to use this word to describe her, well it was just insulting and upsetting. 

Jamie sighed, sitting up too. He placed his hand on her cheek and smiled softly. ”Claire, love, it's no’ something bad. It's just, Mum uses is and well, it kinda just slipped out.” Jamie reassured her, pulling her into a soft kiss. ”Ah think you suit it, Claire. Ye rock the term sassenach.” 

Claire smiled a little, resting her hand upon his on her cheek and looked down. ”Well, okay. But if you so much as use it as a derogatory term for me you’ll be out on your ear. I mean it.” She looked back up at him. 

Jamie nodded, gulping a little. There was no way he was going to let someone like Claire out his life. 

“What dae ye want to do fur breakfast?” Jamie asked, changing the subject very quickly. As he said this, he jumped out of bed and pulled an old t-shirt over his head. “Bearing in mind, I cannae really cook a full breakfast.” 

“Hmmm,” Claire thought it over. “I’m sure there’s a wee café not far from here that do good breakfasts. We could go there?” 

“Sounds good.” Jamie smiled, planting a soft kiss on her lips. 

Butterflies fluttered around his torso as he looked at her. He couldn’t believe this extravagant woman was now his and he couldn’t wait to explore her more. It was strange, Jamie had never felt this way about someone, Claire was definitely different. She was different in the best way, she was kind, sarcastic, beautiful, headstrong... She had all the qualities Jamie had hoped he would find in a partner. 

Claire looked at the other, a soft smile on her lips. “Do you have something I could wear? So it doesn’t look like I’m doing the walk of shame.” 

“Aye,” he smiled, grabbing a pair of his tight joggies and a t-shirt and throwing them to her. A moment later he gave her one of his hoodies too, not wanting her to freeze as they went to breakfast. 

“Thanks, Jamie,” she smiled, “you don’t mind if I go for a shower do you?” 

“Only if I can join ye,” he smirked, “conserve water and all that.” 

Claire laughed, nodding her head and crawling to the edge of the bed to lean up and kiss him. Jamie smiled, pulling her in for a quick kiss. As they got deeper into the kiss, Jamie grabbed her legs and wrapped them around his waist, walking her towards the bathroom. 

He was thankful Willie was away to work, otherwise, he would have had to be a bit more careful about carrying Claire naked about the house - because he did not want anyone else seeing her naked if he could help it. 

Climbing into the bath, leaning Claire against the wet wall, Jamie turned on the shower, still kissing her fiercely. Claire mumbled something about fucking her against his lips and well he couldn’t say no - so the pair went for round three. 

“Christ Claire,” he moaned, sliding himself into her, rocking his hips back and forth. 

Claire began to moan, digging her nails into his shoulder as she cried out for more. She breathed heavily in his ear, loving every second of having her Scot inside her. It had been a while since she had had sex, so to say she was crying out for it was an understatement. While she did love Frank dearly for a while, he was rather boring in the bedroom department so she ended up just having to satisfy herself more often than not. Now, however, she was feeling the satisfaction with Jamie. He knew how to please her, and he certainly knew what he was doing when it came to sex. For that, she was thankful. So thankful, that she felt the beginning of her third orgasm in twelve hours, all thanks to Jamie. 

The pair cried out in pleasure, both seeming to climax at the same time. Without thinking, Jamie finished inside Claire. 

She grinned, panting against his neck, worrying that if he was to ever put her down, her legs would give and she’d collapse. 

“Och, yer a delight, Claire Beachamp.” He smiled, kissing her one more time before putting her down and grabbing some shampoo. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That might, Claire went back to Portobello, unfortunately, she only had the one day off work - but it was a day off well spent. 

“Well look who the cat dragged in!” Joe shouted from his spot on the sofa after hearing the front door shut. 

“Hello to you too Joe!” Claire smiled, sitting down on the sofa next to him. 

“Good date?” He winked, gesturing to her attire. 

“Oh, god yeah. It was perfect,” Claire grinned, leaning back, “and as for the clothes, I wasn’t going to go about in last nights clothes. Thankfully Jamie loaned me some.” 

Joe nodded, laughing a bit. “Whatever makes you happy, L.J.” Joe stood up, going towards the kitchen. “Coffee?” 

“Ugh, yes, please. I’m gasping for one.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Jamie Fraser: Thanks for last night, I really enjoyed myself. Same again soon, Sassenach? Xx]

Claire smiled at her phone, typing out a reply to him. 

[Doctor Lady: Definitely. We could even skip the meal part next time ;) xx] 

Jamie felt his heart flutter in his chest - Laoghaire wasn’t like this. She was clingy and overbearing and definitely boring in every other sense. 

[Jamie Fraser: Aye that does sound like a good idea. Need to do it soon - I’m forgetting what your breasts look like already! ;) xx] 

Claire rolled her eyes, taking a cheeky wee photo of herself in the bath. This was out of character for her, but she didn’t care. There was something about him that made her want to do this for him. 

[Doctor Lady: {Photo Attachment} I hope this helps you remember them!;)xx] 

A breath caught in Jamie’s throat - quickly he saved it for later. He certainly didn’t ask for that, but he wasn’t going to complain about it anyway. 

[Doctor Lady: Maybe you should return the favour.... ;) xx] 

Jamie looked down at his crotch, there was definitely a bulge there - he just needed to harden Wee Jamie up a bit. 

[James Fraser: {Photo Attachment} Here you go! I hope you realise that you’re the first person I’ve sent a dick pic too! I don’t normally agree with them! Xx] 

[Doctor Lady: I didn’t assume you were - but I’m grateful. Now I have something of yours ;)] 

[Jamie Fraser: Besides my clothes? ;) xx]

[Doctor Lady: Well, yeah, but something to look at! I need to give you the clothes back xx] 

[Jamie Fraser: As long as I have my joggies, I don't expect anything else back xx] 

[Doctor Lady: So I can keep the hoodie? :D xx] 

[Jamie Fraser: Yes, you can keep the hoodie xx] 

[Doctor Lady: Yey! xx] 

Jamie laughed at his phone - she was way too excited about keeping his hoodie. What was it with girls and boys hoodies? How could they be that appealing? 

[Jamie Fraser: Cute xx] 

[Doctor Lady: :*!] 

[Doctor Lady: Anyway, Jamie, I need to go to bed now. I’m on the 6am shift. Good night xx] 

[Jamie Fraser: Goodnight, sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite! :) xx] 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claire changed out of her scrubs the next day after her shift, desperately looking forward to getting home and getting her pyjamas on and having a nice large glass of wine. She had decided she needed it. Because she was currently on winter break from her PHD, she had been put on the hospital rota as an Accident and Emergency Doctor - the one area that got tedious on a Wednesday morning. But today was different, everyone and their aunt appeared to get injured and they all decided to go to Little France - even those who would have been better off going to Minor Injuries at the Western General. 

As she said her goodbyes and made her way out of the staff room, she walked straight into a tall Scot. Habitually, she apologised - not realising who this person was. 

“Och, it’s alright Sassenach, ye could huv at least given me a cuddle.” Jamie grinned, leaning down go kiss her forehead. 

Claire grinned, wrapping her arms round his torso and cuddling him. 

“You have no idea how happy I am to see you.” 

“Oh really?” 

“Really.” 

Jamie smiled, pulling away from her and taking her hand. 

“Want to go for a coffee?” 

“Hmmm. Or you could come round to mine and we could have a few wines? I’m gasping for one.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Jamie smiled, “A’ve goat the car so ah can drive us to Joe’s.” 

Claire grinned, letting him lead her out to his car - she was definitely looking forward to her evening now... Regardless of the wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wee interim chapter for you all! Big things are coming! I wonder if anyone can guess.... 
> 
> If you could follow me on tumblr and reblog the links for my fic that would be amazing! (dancinginadaydream.tumblr.com #shamelessselfpromotion) 
> 
> Hope you’re enjoying it! 
> 
> Jem x


	7. Chapter Seven

"What are ye doin’ fur Christmas!” Jamie mused, not looking away from his tv screen as he clicked away at his Xbox controller. 

Claire shrugged, looking up from her textbook (she certainly wasn’t going to let a holiday hinder her) “I don’t know, Joe’s going back to America to see his family so I guess I was just going to study at the flat?” 

Jamie paused his game and turned to look at her, “yer kiddin’? It’s Christmas, ye cannae spend it alone!” 

“Well I don’t exactly have anyone to spend it with, I’ve got no family left, Jamie.” 

“Ye huv me.” 

“I couldn’t intrude...” 

“Och weesht. I’ll say tae ma Ma’ that yer coming, I’m sure she’ll be delighted.” 

“Jamie...”

“C’mon, Claire. Ah cannae huv ma girlfriend alone on Christmas Day.” Jamie said, not realising what he’d actually said until it was out. 

“Girlfriend?” Claire smiled, chuckling a little. “Is that what I am then?”

“It just slipped out, but aye, I’d say so.” He smiled, leaning over to her and planting a soft kiss on her lips. 

Claire smiled against his lips, pulling away. “I’m kinda glad we’ve defined this now.” She chuckled, kissing him again before going back to her coursework. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So am I gonna meet this Claire before Christmas Day?” Ellen asked her son, nudging him with her elbow. “I’d like for her to feel comfortable around us before Christmas.” 

“Ah can only try, she’s got a busy schedule at the hospital. She’s lucky she was given Christmas off at all.” Jamie sighed. 

“Mhm okay. What kind of stuff does she like? Cannae have her over watching us open oor presents and no have anything to open herself.” 

“Ma’ ye dinnae need tae...” 

“Aye ah dae.” 

Jamie knew to keep quiet, what his mum said went and that was the way it’s been for the entirety of his life. God help whomever challenges Ellen MacKenzie. 

“I’ll just get her wee bits and bobs then, am aff to the Fort tomorrow anyway.” 

Jamie nodded in reply. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Now, are you sure I’m going to be welcome, Jamie? I can’t intrude...” Claire sighed, putting her jacket on. 

“Aye, ye are Claire. Mum wouldnae huv it any other way - if I left ye she’d come looking fur ye.” He smiled, kissing her softly. 

Claire felt reassured, she had met them only a few days before per Ellen’s request and it was definitely clear that they were a close and loving family. A type that she hadn’t seen before, but knew she’d feel at home with. 

“Okay, now we best go. The bus is in ten minutes.” 

They had to go down to Musselburgh on Christmas Eve as buses were running irregularly - if at all on Christmas Day. Jamie didn’t mind the journey, he was definitely used to getting his after bus to see his parents. Today he was just thankful for the fact they were travelling from Portobello, making for a shorter journey. 

Claire bought some last minute gifts for Jamie’s family - just little trinkets so that she wasn’t going empty handed. She did this despite Jamie’s protests. 

“Och we’ll just shove your name on the presents ah bought them! It’s fine, Claire!” 

“I’ve already bought some, so tough.” 

“Yer a massive pain in the backside ye know that?” 

“Yup.” Claire smiled, proud as punch. “But I’m your pain in the backside.” 

Jamie reached down to give her a soft kiss, laughing at her. 

“Aye, that ye are.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hiya, Ma!” Jamie shouted, waltzing in the front door. 

“Hello, dears! We’re in the sitting room!” Ellen called from her spot on the sofa. 

Jamie put their bags down at the bottom of the stairs before leading Claire by the hand into the living room. 

Claire felt a soft gulp in her throat, still unsure about the situation but knew it was too late to back out. She would just have to deal with it and maybe it would be good for her. 

“Hiya son,” Ellen smiled, pulling her son into a cuddle and kissing his cheek. “Hiya Claire, dear.” She repeated her actions with Claire. 

“Hello.” Claire said awkwardly, gently cuddling her back. 

Brian came clumping down the stairs at the sound of Jamie and Claire. 

“Alright.” He nodded, giving his son a shake of the hand and Claire a wee peck on the cheek - something that every man above a certain age did in Scotland. But Brian Fraser must have fallen below that age limit. Considerably. 

“Hello.” Claire smiled. 

“Well tak a seat then.” Brian smiled, laughing softly. 

Jamie had already sat down, making himself perfectly at home, clearly looking like a wee boy again happily surrounded by his family. 

“Och, Jamie, ye could have a least taken her coat! Did ah teach ye nothing?” Brian tutted, motioning for Claire’s jacket. 

“Och Dad, c’mon...” 

“No, Jamie, it’s only manners!” Brian sighed, “cheers Claire, I’ll just hang this up in the hall cupboard fur ye, sweetheart.” 

Claire smiled softly, handing over her jacket, thanking him and taking a seat next to Jamie. 

She sat closer to him than normal, clearly still nervous about spending Christmas with these new people. 

As the night went on, Claire relaxed more around the Fraser Clan. She was ever so slightly glad that it was only Jamie, his older brother Will (or Willie as his parents called him) and their parents. Jamie’s older sister, Jenny, was spending Christmas with her husbands family this year, meaning for a quieter Fraser Christmas. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamie awoke the next morning, giddier than usual and most certainly acting like a toddler. 

“It’s Christmas Day, Claire! Christmaaaaassss!” 

“Yes, Jamie. It’s Christmas. Now let me sleeeeeeeeeep.” Claire whined, hiding her head under her pillow. 

It didn’t matter what day it was, Claire Beauchamp was not a morning person and she would do her best to stay in bed for as long as humanly possible. 

But today, it didn’t seem like she could stay in bed any longer, for she had a partner that acted like a three-year-old when it came to a Christmas. 

“Claire, Claire, Claire, Claire, Claaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaire!” Jamie whined, climbing atop of her and shaking her to wake her up. “Time to get up!”

“Ugh, fine!” She groaned, pulling her head out from under the pillow and blowing her dark curls out her face. “I cannot believe that at twenty-three years old, you’re still this excited for Christmas.” 

Jamie simply shrugged, a large grin appearing on his face. 

Claire slowly climbed out of bed, only just managing to take in her surroundings. A soft laugh escaped her lips as she realised that Jamie’s bedroom looked like it had been virtually untouched since he moved out. There were still nick knacks lying around from his childhood. In the corner sat a a guitar, next to it were a pair of rollerblades that certainly looked like they had seen better days. In another corner there was a skateboard, dumbbells and teddy bears. His walls were covered in different quirky bands – one was a band she had never heard of. Fluorescent Hearts? She wasn’t sure, but whatever floated his boat. Above his bed was a poster of Scarlett Johansson, next to his desk was posters of different video games. It was definitely clear that his mum hadn’t cleared out his room properly since he went to university and moved out. But Claire could tell that Jamie was still happy, he came back often and he still used everything. So why not?   
“Ye alright Sassenach?” Jamie mused, putting on his Christmas slippers. 

Claire suddenly doubled over in laughter. Jamie looked an absolute sight, his look reminded her of Tony in the second act of the Billy Elliot the Musical – and that was something she had laughed at. 

“I dinnae ken what yer laughing at, Claire, Ma got you a matching set.” Jamie beamed as Claire’s smile dropped. “And ye’d be best wearing it fur her while we open presents.” 

Claire reluctantly dressed in the matching Christmas jammies that Ellen had bought her. She knew she had to do it, if not for Jamie, for Ellen. 

“Gorgeous,” Jamie smiled, planting a kiss on her forehead and taking her hand to lead her downstairs. 

The rest of Christmas Day went smoothly, Claire fitting in very well with the Fraser family. She had received many gifts from all of them, but her favourite was the present from Jamie. He had bought her a matching earing and necklace set that were simplistic but suited her tastes perfectly. Despite her protests about it, she was just told; “weesht, its Christmas and its our first Christmas so ye deserve somethin’ special!”. Even though she had moaned at Jamie for spending a fortune on her present, she was just as bad. She had bought Jamie a new xbox controller and game – both of which had cost over £100. But she didn’t need to tell him that; even if he had already worked it out. 

Ellen had cooked a large turkey dinner for their main meal, the entirety of the table filled with food. Claire’s eyes widened at the amount of food, but she could clearly see that Jamie and his brother Will were over the moon with this, quickly digging in to the platter their mum had set. Claire only just managed to finish one plateful, never mind the three that Jamie, his brother and Dad had. 

Once the festivities had calmed down for the night, Jamie and Claire had bid goodnight to the Frasers and went upstairs to fall into a food coma. Both happy with the days festivities. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A week later, Jamie and Claire sat in Jamie’s wee flat in Tollcross, Joe, Will and Willie joining them to bring in the New Year. They had all decided that there was no point in going out, Hogmanay in Edinburgh was a nightmare and they had decided to avoid the crowds gathering in Princes Street Gardens. They had decided to stock up with plenty of booze and snacks from Sainsbury’s earlier that day.   
Claire had opted out of drinking, she had been feeling incredibly nauseous all day and knew that drinking excessively wouldn’t help that matter in the slightest. Jamie, out of solidarity, had decided that he wouldn’t get blootered. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t have a few. After all, it was Hogmanay, he wouldn’t be Scottish if he didn’t drink on Hogmanay. Due to much pestering, Claire agreed to at least have a drink to see in the bell’s. 

“Ten… Nine… Eight… Seven… Six… Five… Four… Three… Two… One! Happy New Year!” Everyone chanted in unison, each giving another a hug to welcome in the New Year. Jamie and Claire embraced in a tight cuddle and a long kiss, happy to have brought in the New Year with each other.   
Will began to joke about being the perfect candidate for the first foot, heading to the front door. 

“Och dinnae be makin out yer tall, dark and handsome!” Jamie called to his brother. 

“What are ye jealous?” He called back, heading out the front door and knocking to come back in. 

Jamie shook his head, heading to the front door to open it for his brother. 

“Ye really didnae need to be a first foot, Will.” 

“Aye, ah ken. But its good luck to have someone tall dark and handsome to come in yer door!” He laughed. 

“Ye ken its coal they mean,aye? Yer no coal.” 

Will shrugged, going back for his bottle of beer. 

Claire smiled at everyone, yawning slightly. “I might just go to bed, sorry all. Happy New Year.” 

A chorus of “happy new year” came from everyone as she walked to Jamie’s bedroom. 

Jamie followed her through and helped her into bed. 

“Ye okay, Sassenach?” He asked, brows furrowed. 

“Yeah, I think so. Just been feeling really sick all day and my boobs are absolutely killing me. It could just be my period coming though, it’s a couple weeks later than usual so it’s maybe just coming with a vengeance.” She smiled, “But go enjoy the rest of the night. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

Jamie sighed, nodding and kissing her goodnight. 

“Night Sassenach, I love you.” He said nonchalantly, it was maybe the haze of the alcohol that had let this slip. But he knew he meant it.

“I…” Claire hesitated, “I love you too.” 

Jamie smiled at her. “Sleep tight.” 

And with that, he left to rejoin the Hogmanay party, leaving Claire to rest for the night. 

Both of them were unsure what the New Year would bring, but they both knew they’d be in it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So another wee interim chapter! There was a wee hint to the big things happening! It has already been guessed but lets see who else can spot it! 
> 
> I loved writing about Hogmanay and Christmas - it made me excited for this year! 
> 
> I will be uploading some facecasts to my Tumblr (https://dancinginadaydream.tumblr.com/) soon for you guys to see what I imagine everyone to look like! 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Jem x


	8. Chapter Eight

Joe walked into the staff room to see Claire hunched over a bucket, quite evidently spewing the contents of her stomach into it. He winced, walking over to her.  
   
“You alright, L.J.? You’ve been like this since New Year…” He sighed, sitting next to her and rubbing her back gently.  
   
“M’okay, Joe.” Claire said, lifting her head up from the bucket and giving him the thumbs up. “It’ll pass.”  
“Yeah, sure. But you’ve been spewing every day since New Year and that was a month ago. Have you had your period yet?”  
   
Claire rolled her eyes. “Why do you care?” She mumbled, refusing to answer the question.  
   
“Because you’re my best friend,” He sighed, “and you might be pregnant.” He raised an eyebrow.  
   
Claire let out a long, loud groan. While her logical, medical brain said she had to take a pregnancy test as soon as possible, her worried Claire brain panicked that she was. She was definitely not ready for kids, she was still studying and once she graduated she had to work for a while before she could even think about trying for kids. Not only that, she had only just met Jamie. She couldn’t tie him down forever with kids at this stage, their relationship was only two months old. 

Joe let out a soft laugh. “You know the downfall of sex, you can get pregnant. Even if you use protection.” 

“Yeah,” she mumbled, “but I didn’t expect it to happen on the first date.” 

Joe laughed, patting her back. 

“I should get a pregnancy test, shouldn’t I?” 

“Yup.” 

Claire groaned again, standing up and having to steady herself. 

“Take the day off, I’ll cover you. Go grab a test and go back to the flat and take the damn thing.” 

Claire opened her mouth to protest but was quickly silenced by Joe. Instead, she grumbled her protests, grabbing her stuff and stomping out of the staff room and towards the bus stop. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claire opened the door to the flat she and Joe shared, walking straight to the bathroom with the bag from the chemist in hand ready to go. 

She crouched down on the toilet, placing the test between her legs raring to go. She knew the drill, pee on the stick and wait a minute or two, praying for it to come up negative. 

This was the first test she had ever done in her life, she had never needed to. She and Frank didn't have sex often enough for it to be a problem - she was on the pill for him. The only reason she had stopped the pill was because she had forgotten to get a new prescription for it due to her busy uni schedule. 

Waiting for the results, Claire tapped her foot on the floor - barely moving from the toilet as she anticipated the results. 

Itching to find out, she turned it around and let out a soft gasp. The test read positive. 

Moving away from the bathroom, she curled up on the sofa, fiddling with the necklace she received from Jamie for Christmas and losing herself in her thoughts. 

Distantly she heard her phone buzz, not registering it until the two-minute buzz came through. 

[Joe Abernathy: Any news?] 

Claire sighed, a little tear spilling down her cheek. 

[Joe Abernathy: Claire?] 

[Claire Beauchamp: Positive.] 

That one word answer was all she could muster. She was in a state of shock. In seven months she was going to be a mum. She was going to have a baby just after graduation. Absolutely brilliant. God only knows how Jamie is going to take this. Will he even be around in seven months time? Should she just keep it a secret and abort the baby with no one but Joe knowing? Or should she quit university and become a full-time mum popping out babies while Jamie went out to work? She didn't know what to do. 

[Joe Abernathy: Oh, LJ. I'll be home soon. Sit tight.] 

Claire threw her phone to the side, wiping her tears from her cheeks and switching on the T.V. 

As if it knew, the first show to pop up on E4 was Baby Daddy. The last thing she needed was a reminder of a baby. But she continued to watch it anyway, background noise was needed. 

A few hours later Joe came in the door, Tesco bag in hand. 

”L.J.?” He called, walking through to their living room and sitting next to her. ”You okay?” 

Claire shrugged. ”Not particularly. But what can you do?” 

Joe sighed. ”Well, I've brought lots of snacks and a couple of DVDs for us to watch to take your mind off it all. We’ll think about it in the morning.”

Claire nodded, ”thank you. I best text Jamie though, let him know I can't stay at his tonight.” 

Joe nodded, getting up and putting a DVD in the DVD player. ”Do you want a takeaway? My treat?” 

”That would be amazing.” Claire smiled a little, picking up her phone to text Jamie. 

[Doctor Lady: Hiya love, something’s come up so I can't come round today. Sorry. C xx] 

[Jamie Fraser: You okay, Sassenach? I can come over if you want? Xx] 

[Doctor Lady: No, it’s okay. It was with a patient. I'll see you another day. Love you. C xx] 

[Jamie Fraser: Ok. Let me know if you need anything. Love you too xx] 

Claire put her phone down and cuddled into Joe for comfort, looking at his phone as he searched Just Eat for their usual takeaway. 

The next morning, Claire lay in bed for a while longer than she needed to; extremely glad for the day off. Today was dedicated to dealing with her current situation. The pregnancy of Claire Beauchamp. 

Absentmindedly, she placed a hand on her stomach. Her stomach was a little bit swollen with a small bump clearly starting to form. Before yesterday, she had only pinned it down to bloating. She had missed two periods and trying not to think about pregnancy, she just put that down to the stress of leaving Frank and moving in with Joe and her exams. All of these factors could make someone miss a period. She didn't want to believe she could be (and was) pregnant so she blamed it on something other than being pregnant. 

Her fingers circled the little swell and she smiled a little. She knew that kids were in her future, she had always wanted to be a mum. But this was too soon. She was still studying, thankfully she graduated in July, but she was still unsure of how she could cope with maternity and finding a job afterwards. 

Claire let out a soft sigh, still circling the bump. 

”Hi baby, ” she whispered, ”I’m your Mummy.” 

A little tear slipped down her cheek at the thought. 

A soft knock on the door came and all of a sudden Jamie, Claire’s baby daddy, walked in. 

”J-Jamie!” Claire stuttered, quickly covering the bump. 

”Hiya, Claire.” He smiled softly, crossing the room and sitting on the edge if the bed. 

”What are you doing here? Aren’t you meant to be working this afternoon?” 

”Dougal gave me the day off, it was a slow day. Perks of your uncles being the bosses, ” he smiled softly, ”and I wanted to check on you.” 

”I’m fine, Jamie.” 

His brows furrowed a little. 

”Ye don't look it, Claire. Ye look pale and like ye’ve been crying. Has that Frank been texting ye again? You should just block him, Sassenach.” 

Claire went to reply, but as if one clockwork, she leaned over the bed and spewed in the bin that sat next to her bed. 

”Now ye cannae lie. Yer ill!” 

Claire pondered whether or not to tell him about the pregnancy or to tell him that she was, in fact, ill with a sickness bug. However, her conscience got the better of her. 

”Uhm, not quite.” She gulped, looking up at Jamie. She patted her bed next to her, signalling for him to come closer. 

Jamie did so, confusion in his face. 

”Uhm, remember on our first date we had lots of fantastic sex?” 

Jamie nodded, gulping a little - he knew where this was going. But he was going to let her finish regardless. 

”Well one of those times, either the condom split or we were so caught up in the moment you may have forgotten to put one on... and well, yesterday I took a pregnancy test.” 

Jamie nodded, looking at Claire. 

”The test was positive, Jamie. I’m pregnant. About ten weeks, I imagine. Adding on the two weeks since my period ended and ovulation began...” 

Claire tried to talk medically about this otherwise she feared she would cry again. 

Jamie sat in silence for a while, taking in everything Claire had been saying. He was going to be a Dad. They were going to be parents. But their relationship was still so new. He knew things happened for a reason. Like his Granny Fraser used to always say ”whit’s fur ye, will no go by ye”. So he knew that this was meant for them. He was meant to become a Dad now, just like he was meant to meet Claire. 

”We’ll work through this, Claire.” He smiled, kissing her softly. ”We’ll be great parents.” 

”But Jamie... Our relationship is still so new, we barely know each other, we don't live together. I’m still at uni... There are so many factors against this baby...” 

”Claire, what’s meant to be will be. An’ I think we were meant to have a child now. We’ll work through it. Ah, mean, a’ll have a battered lug from my Mum and Da’ for not being more careful, but we’ll work through it.” 

Claire sighed, nodding slightly. She pulled down the duvet to show the small bump that had protruded from her stomach. 

A breath hitched in Jamie’s throat. His child was in there, his own wee person that he planted the seed for. He traced his finger around the bottom of her bump. A smile forming on his lips. 

“We’re going to be parents.” His smile turned into a grin. 

Claire let out a soft laugh, “we are.” 

And for the first time, Claire felt excitement for her child. She was going to be a Mum. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claire lay on the hospital bed, squeezing Jamie’s hand softly. She was here for her 12-week scan, emotions flowing through her body. She would get to see her sweet child for the first time today. 

They had decided to wait to tell their friends and families until they had the scan picture to prove it. Everyone was more likely to believe them if they had scans to back it up. 

Once the scan was over with, the couple beamed at the picture of the baby. At the sight of the scan, any doubts of the pregnancy fleeted away. 

“Now,” Jamie sighed, “we best go see my parents and break the news to them.” 

“Yup...” Claire agreed. 

They stayed mostly silent during the drive to Musselburgh, the sounds of Forth One filling the gaps they were silent. It was a quick drive, but it felt like an age between leaving Little France and arriving at Jamie’s parent's house in Musselburgh. 

Jamie walked in the front door of his Mum’s house, taking a deep breath as he did and squeezing Claire’s hand in reassurance. 

“Hello?” He called. 

“In the living room, son!” 

Brian Fraser shouted from his chair. 

Jamie and Claire walked through the living room, hands clasped tightly. 

”Wheres mum?”

”Upstairs. she’ll be down in a minute.” Brian noted, looking at the pair. ”Ye alright?” 

Jamie cleared throat, nodding a little bit. 

Brian nodded, knowing something was up but he decided to wait until they were ready to tell him what the issue was. 

Ellen came down the stairs not long after, giving her son and Claire a wee kiss. 

”Everything okay?” She asked, taking a seat on the sofa. 

”Aye, ” Jamie nodded, looking at Claire, clearing his throat. ”Uhm, Claire and I have some news.” 

”Oh?” Ellen sat up straight, whacking Brian’s knee to get him to switch the television off. 

”uhm, ” Claire started. 

Jamie saw her nerves and took over. 

”Claire’s pregnant. We’re..... We’re having a baby.” 

Ellen’s face lit up, she moved across to the couple and planted big kisses on the pair's heads. 

”Oh! That's fantastic!” 

Brian sat up, looking right at his son. 

”Well, congratulations, son. But ye’ve only been together a couple of months, couldn't ye have been more careful?” 

Ellen clouted the back of Brian’s head, telling him to weesht and be happy for them. 

”We were careful, Da’. But these things happen .” Jamie shrugged. 

Claire pulled the photo of the scan out of her pocket to show her in-laws. 

Ellen began to tear up. 

”Look at that, Brian. Another grandwean for us to love.” 

Brian smiled at the photo. 

”Well, ah huv tae say that I'm happy fur ye both. You'll be great parents.” 

Claire smiled. ”You can keep that copy, we got a couple.” 

Ellen thanked her, going to the kitchen to put he scan proudly on her fridge. 

”Och, I'm so happy for you both.” 

”Ye ken ye’ll huv to actually move in together now?”

”Aye, ” Jamie nodded. ”I’ll need to save up some money for a deposit.” he sighed, scratching the back of his head. 

”That’ll tak ye months!” 

”I know, but I've no other option.” 

”Och, weesht, we’ll gie ye the deposit and first months rent, we did that fur Jenny. Just go find a flat, son.” Brian smiled at his son. 

”Cheers, Da’.” Jamie smiled. 

”Thank you, Brian, that really means a lot.” 

”Och, it's nae bother. Anything for my son, his girl and my grandwean.” Brian smiled, coming over and giving Claire a wee cuddle. 

”Now, I think this calls for a celebratory meal. Beijing Banquet anyone?” Ellen smiled. 

Jamie grinned, nodding like a child. ”Yes please!” 

”That would be lovely.” Claire smiled. 

The buzz of excitement circled them all as they all got ready to go out for dinner. 

Jamie and Claire were happy. They had the support of the elder Frasers and a mini Fraser growing slowly. 

This child was going to be loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a night! So, Claire’s pregnant! Well done to Betweenthescenes, Rlr and amulbunny for guessing it correctly! 
> 
> I wonder what's ahead! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Jem x


	9. Chapter Nine

Claire sat on the sofa, her small 22-week bump fitting almost perfectly between her crossed legs. She began to rub the bump, circling her fingers around it and smiling. Placing her palm flat on the bump, she felt a soft kick. Her smile turned into a grin and she turned round, looking for Jamie. 

“Jamie! Jamie! The baby kicked! They’re kicking!” 

All of a sudden, Jamie came running through the living room door, a grin plastered on his face as his excitement grew. He knelt down in front of Claire, his nose almost touching the bump as he tried to look for a movement in her stomach. Claire laughed softly, rubbing her belly a bit. Jamie sat grinning, not wanting to move in case the baby kicked just as he did. Just as he looked up at Claire, the baby kicked, a little foot pressing out and kicking Jamie on the chin. Covering her mouth, Claire let out a splutter of laughter as Jamie leaned back, rubbing his chin. 

“Okay, ye wee Tadpole, that was ma’ chin! Ye’ve hurt yer Da’!” He whined. 

“Definitely Mummy’s wee baby.” Claire grinned, reaching over to pull Jamie into a kiss. 

“Aye, well, we’ll see about that.” He grinned, kissing Claire’s lips softly before reaching down to kiss the bump. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Claire, I’m home!” Jamie shouted, walking through the front door and placing his keys down on the table. 

The money Ellen and Brian had given them allowed for them to rent a three bedroom house in Prestonpans. It wasn’t where they had wanted to move, but it seemed like the cheaper option without moving completely away from Edinburgh. 

“Through here!” Claire called from the living room, where she lay with a bowl of popcorn on her growing bump. 

Jamie walked into the living room and let out a soft laugh at the sight. This sight was normal as Claire’s pregnancy progressed. They had two months left until they were joined by their little one. 

Jamie had the nursery all set up. Claire had wanted a minimalist nursery, mainly white with a few pops of colour and well, Jamie couldn’t disagree. The hadn’t wanted to find out the gender so it definitely made it more difficult decorating the nursery. But that didn’t stop them. 

“How was your day?” She smiled, looking up at Jamie with delight. 

“Boring. Really, bloody boring.” Jamie shrugged, lifting Claire’s legs so he could sit under them. “How was your day?” 

Claire shrugged also. “I sorted out more of the baby’s room. But the little bugger decided to keep kicking at my hips so I had to lie down.” 

Jamie smiled, leaning down to speak to the bump. 

“Hello Tadpole, it’s Daddy. Now you listen carefully, huh? Ye canna be hurting yer Mam like this. Unhappy mam means unhappy Daddy.” He teased, ducking as Claire moved to clout the back of his head. 

“Really, Fraser?” 

“Yes, Beauchamp.” He grinned. 

Claire rolled her eyes, taking another handful of popcorn and stuffing it in her mouth. 

Jamie leaned back on the sofa, closing his eyes and falling into a soft doze. It appeared fatherhood was already taking its toll. Either that or he was just overworking himself. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Claire stood in front of her mirror, holding some clothes in her hands and wailing. 

Waking up at the sound of Claire’s howls, Jamie shot up in bed, looking around in a panic; fearing his Claire and baby were in trouble. 

“Sassenach? Everything okay?” He asked once he had spotted her. 

Claire turned to face him, her lips quivering and curls covering her face. “N-No! N-nothing fits! All because I have your bloody big-headed sprog making me fat!” She howled again throwing the clothes in her hands at him. 

Jamie sighed. He was used to this by now, pregnancy hormones were really affecting Claire. Especially now that she was graduating from university and ‘going out into the real world’. 

“Och, Sassenach. Dinnae worry.” Jamie smiled a little, climbing out of bed and pulling her into a long cuddle. “Jenny’s goin’ up tae town this afternoon, ye could always join her?” 

Claire nodded, exhaling a little bit. 

“I’ll get some better maternity clothes. And something for graduation tomorrow.” 

Jamie smiled, pulling her into a big kiss. 

“You’ll look amazing.” 

Claire shrugged, sniffling a little bit. She knew Jamie was trying to comfort her, and it did work. A bit. But she was at the stage that she was desperate for Baby Fraser to make an appearance. 

Later on that day, Claire hobbled onto the 26 bus and grabbed the first downstairs seat she could find, saving a space for Jenny who would be getting on in Musselburgh. She rubbed at her bump absentmindedly and sighed. Baby Fraser had been relatively quiet this morning, maybe they were just sleeping soundly. Claire had noted that the Frasers, minus Ellen, all slept like logs for hours on end. But she just assumed that Baby Fraser was the same. 

“Hiya, Claire.” Jenny smiled, sitting next to her. 

“Hiya,” Claire smiled. “Thanks for letting me come up with you. I think Jamie might have had a breakdown if I kept crying about clothes all day.” 

Jenny let out a soft laugh, pushing her hair behind her ear. 

“Ian was the same. I think he must have had several breakdowns during my pregnancies, more so with Wee Maggie.” 

“I can imagine,” Claire smiled. 

“So what is it yer after today then?” Jenny asked. 

“Just some more maternity tops and a dress that will fit bump for tomorrow.” 

“Oh! Ye graduate tomorrow, I almost forgot! In that case, I’d best grab a dress an all.” 

Claire smiled sweetly, nodding. 

They spent the next 40 minute bus journey just generally chatting about various things. Bump being a big part of it, how Claire was getting on and if she was getting more excited for her baby. Jenny went on saying that she was excited to finally be an Auntie, offering some advice as well. Claire took all of her advice seriously, after all, she was raising two Fraser-Murray children. Once Jenny had finished talking about bump, she had asked Claire more about her life before Jamie. Claire talked about her upbringing and how she never knew her parents, her uncle had told her they had died in a car accident when she was just a baby and that he had raised her from when she was only a year old. 

As the bus approached their stop, Jenny pushed the button, standing up and helping Claire up too. 

Claire hobbled off the bus, carefully clutching her bump. Not paying too much attention to anything other than carefully getting off the bus, she accidentally bumped into someone, almost knocking them off their feet. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” She proclaimed, looking up at the person. When she realised who it was, she gulped a little. 

Frank. 

“It’s alright...Claire.” He smiled weakly, looking down. When he looked down, his smile faltered. 

“Y-you’re pregnant.” 

“Uh, Yeah.” She flushes a shade of red, looking at Jenny for a bit of help. 

“That was quick. I’m assuming it’s that Jamie’s child?” He spat. 

“Actually, yes, yes it it my brothers baby. And she’s happier now than she ever was with you.” Jenny interjected, standing between Claire and Frank. 

“Whatever.” Frank scoffed. “I’m glad I got rid of you when I could. Now you can be with your precious Jamie happily.” With that he walked away. 

Claire stood there, dumbstruck at his reaction. She knew it was a quick pregnancy, but she didn’t plan the bloody thing. Jenny pulled her into a half cuddle to comfort her. 

“Dinnae worry about that bampot, ye’ve got aw eh us now! Yer part of Clan Fraser, no dickhead Randall’s.” 

Claire smiled softly, nodding a little bit. 

“Now I definitely think you need retail therapy. Let’s get on.” Jenny grinned. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claire hobbled in the door of her wee house, closing it softly behind her. 

“Hey.” She called, dropping the bags in the living room. 

“Hey, Sassenach.” Jamie smiled, kissing her softly. “How was your day?” 

“The shopping was good, I got new clothes and something for tomorrow. But.... Jenny and I bumped into Frank.” 

A look of fury and jealousy flushed across Jamie’s face. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” Claire nodded, pulling Jamie into a hug. “He got angry about the baby, because he saw the bump. But difficult to hide. I mean, you could probably see me from Mars. But Jenny put him in his place.” 

Jamie felt himself ease a little, knowing his older sister stood up for him. For that, he was glad. 

“Good. But, uh, in other news. I cooked us some dinner?” 

Claire smiled. “Thank God. I’m ravenous.” 

They made their way to the kitchen and sat at the table where Jamie had prepared his specialty - turkey dinosaurs, mash and gravy. That was about the only think he could cook, but he was still proud of himself for making it. He had only started to learn how to cook after Claire fell pregnant, and that seemed to be the dinner she craved most, so he quickly learned how to cook it. 

After dinner, Claire went for a long bath, using one of the lush bath bombs she bought to relax more. Her muscles ached, her stomach was in agony from the stretching, her back was sore and she still had another two months of this. She didn’t know how much longer she could cope, but still, she carried on carrying. 

The next morning, Jamie woke her with breakfast in bed. 

“Happy graduation, Claire.” He smiled, placing a big kiss on her forehead. 

She gave him a sleepy smile and sat up rubbing her bump absentmindedly. 

“Thank you, baby.” She smiled, kissing him properly as he placed her breakfast tray on her lap. 

Once she’d finished breakfast, she began the task of getting ready. Thankfully, she had bought herself that new comfy dress yesterday, and matching flats to go with it. This way, she would be comfortable all day. 

“You look gorgeous, Sassenach.” Jamie grinned, tying his tie. 

“No, I don’t,” she whined, “I look like a whale. And not even an attractive whale.” 

“Theres attractive whales?” Jamie grinned, ducking when Claire threw her flats at him. 

“Sorry! Sorry!” 

“You better be. Now pass me my shoes back, your parents will be here any minute to take us to the graduation.” 

Claire graduated happily with a first class PHD. She was now free of studying, all she had to do was keep up to date with methods of surgery and the ever changing world of medicine. But she was now a fully qualified surgeon. And even better, she had been allowed to continue on as a surgeon at Little France meaning that it was easier for her maternity leave. 

Jamie felt his heart swell with pride as he watched his girl collect her diploma and come off stage. The entire Fraser clan clapped in pride, even if she wasn’t Fraser by name, Claire was certainly part of Clan Fraser and God help anyone who challenged that. 

Clan Fraser all took photos with the graduate, individual ones, Jamie and Claire themselves, Claire and Joe looking happy with their diploma, Ellen and Brian on either side of Claire; both beaming with pride at their kind of daughter-in-law graduating. 

Eager to celebrate, Ellen and Brian took Clan Fraser out to dinner to Bella Italia as Claire’s treat for doing so well at university. They had all known her for a few months, but it was definitely clear that they loved Claire like their own. They all enjoyed a variety of starters, mains and desserts, the Fraser boys wolfing their mains quickly. 

Jamie, however, was exceptionally eager for dessert. Claire knew he had a sweet tooth, but this was worse than normal. He wasn’t having sympathy cravings was he? He quickly made sure everyone ate their mains as quick as they could, ignoring the words of his parents “Calm, doon Jamie! We’ll aw get heartburn if ye make us eat any faster!”. 

When, at last, everyone finished their main meals, Jamie grinned. He had something special planned for Claire. Sat at the top of her dessert was a gorgeous engagement ring. Oblivious, she picked at the side of her dessert. But when she realised, a soft gasp escaped her lips. 

“What’s this?” She looked around, Jamie’s grin catching her eyes. 

Jamie grabbed the ring and knelt down next to her, a beaming grin spread across his face. 

“Claire, ah ken we’ve only known each other a few months. But I want ye tae know that I love ye somethin’ fierce. I love you and our bairn so dear and, well, ah was wondering if you’d do me the honour of marrying me?” Jamie smiled at her, holding her left hand daintily. 

Claire welled up, years slowly falling down her face as she nodded slowly. 

“Yes. Yes, Jamie I’ll marry you.” 

Jamie slid the ring onto Claire’s finger and he pulled her into a long kiss. 

The newly engaged couple ignored the chants and cheers of the restaurant surrounding them as they kissed carefully. 

They both let out a soft laugh as Baby Fraser kicked vigorously after the engagement. 

“Even the Bairn’s happy.” Jamie laughed out. 

And all was right between them. For now, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A third chapter in 24 hours! I’m doing good for you all (but not for my coursework!)! 
> 
> So the happy couple are now engaged - you couldn’t imagine Jamie not proposing when Claire was expecting their baby! 
> 
> I’ve uploaded a selection of facecasts for the fic to my tumblr so check it out to see how I imagine everyone to look! (https://dancinginadaydream.tumblr.com/post/178213333712/anchor-to-hold-facecasts)! 
> 
> Hope you’re enjoying the fic! 
> 
> Jem x


	10. Chapter Ten - WARNING SENSITIVE CONTENT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features content of a sensitive nature. Unfortunately, Jamie and Claire lose the baby and the baby is Stillborn. Please do not read further if you feel that of may upset you in any way shape or form. 
> 
> https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/pregnancy-complications/pregnancy-loss/stillbirth-information-and-support 
> 
> https://www.sands.org.uk/
> 
> If you are affected by any of these issues, please know you are not alone. I have provided the website address for Tommy's and SANDS should you need them.

_You're just a small bump unborn_

_In four months you're brought to life_

_You might be left with my hair_

_But you'll have your mother's eyes_

As Claire slept soundly, Jamie traced her bump with his fingers. He felt incredibly lucky to have this gorgeous woman and even more lucky for her to be carrying his child. He had never expected to have a child this quickly, he never expected to be a dad at all, in fact. But God has a weird way of giving people things, especially when they least expected it.

 

But God has given him a rare woman. Claire was practically perfect in every way. Her whisky eyes, the way they sparkled when she said his name, her sweet-sweet smile whenever they spoke of their bairn.

 

“Hiya, Tadpole, it’s yer Da’” Jamie whispered, smiling softly, his head leaning in his hand as the other rested on Claire’s bump. “Just wanted tae say hi. I want you tae know yer so, so loved. Even if we were unsure  at first, yer Ma and I want ye fiercely. We love ye with every fibre of our beings and we canna wait tae hold ye tight.”

 

The bairn started kicking at the sound of their Da’s voice, Jamie smiled sweetly hushing the bump.

 

“Ye’ll wake yer Ma’, and we dinnae want a grumpy Ma’ now dae we?”

 

Claire stirred, propping herself up on her elbows, squinting and glancing at Jamie, clearly looking grumpy at the fact she had been awoken by the violent kicks Baby Fraser had been giving her.

 

“You know, James Fraser, that when you talk to Sprog, they kick like fuck. So please, please refrain from doing so when I am trying to sleep.”

 

Jamie smiled softly.

 

“Sorry, Sassenach.”

“Mmm, you better be.” She huffed, climbing out of bed.

 

“What are ye dain’?”

 

“Well, seeing as Sprog is kicking away at my now full bladder, I expect it would be a god idea to go empty it.”

 

Jamie simply smiled, laughing a little bit at his fiancée.

 

_I'll hold your body in my hands_

_Be as gentle as I can_

_But for now you're a scan of my unmade plans_

_A small bump_

_In four months you're brought to life_

Dougal allowed Jamie to finish work early, it was a slower day than usual and Jamie had made it clear he wanted to get some last minute things for the baby, after all, Claire was due in four weeks’ time and he still hadn’t got a mattress for the cot or any teddy’s to litter his child’s room in.

 

They had received plenty of different clothes and blankets at Claire’s baby shower, so they were sorted in that department – at least until the baby was here, then they decided they would get more clothes to fit the gender. Claire had picked out the pram she had wanted months ago and Brian and Ellen were adamant they were getting it as a gift for their grandchild.

 

Getting the bus to Fort Kinnaird, Jamie smiled to himself. He could barely contain his excitement at the prospect of becoming a Dad. He, James Alexander Malcom Mackenzie Fraser, was going to be a dad. No amount of times of saying this to himself, or amount of times staring at Claire’s bump or the nursery would make him tire of the fact.

 

When he approached Mothercare, he nodded to the person at the tills as he walked to the toy aisle.

“What is that!?” Claire asked, a look of shock covering her face as she looked at the giant teddy Jamie had placed in the nursery.

 

“The bairns present from their Da’.” He beamed.

 

“That bear is far too big for them! It’ll smother them!”

 

“They’ll grow into it, Claire.”

 

“Sure, Fraser. Just keep it away from them until they’re old enough for them.”

 

“Aye, aye okay.” He grinned, pulling Claire into a long kiss.

 

_I'll whisper quietly_

_I'll give you nothing but truth_

_If you're not inside me_

_I'll put my future in you_

“Claire, ye need tae slow down. Yer heavily pregnant for God’s sake!”

“I’ve got one more week until I start my maternity leave, I can’t slow down now.”

 

“Am worried fur you and the bairn, Claire. Ye’ve barely stopped since yer graduation. It cannae be good fur ye.”

 

“Jamie, I’m trying to work as much as I can so we have money during my maternity leave. I’m saving.”

 

“Aye, ah ken that, but you should also ken that I’ll be supporting ye both, the money making isn’t purely on your shoulders.”

 

“I know.” She sighed.

 

Jamie pulled her into a tight hug, holding her tightly.

 

“I’ll be okay, I promise.” Claire smiled. “We’ll all be perfect.”

 

Jamie nodded, pulling her into a deep kiss.

 

He would be lying if he didn’t say he wasn’t worried. Claire was working herself into the ground and he knew that couldn’t be good for the bairn. But he loved her and respected her, so he couldn’t get in the way of her wishes. If she wanted to work long hard hours, who was he to stop her? Even if he really disliked the idea. All he could do was look after her when she came home. And that he would do without a shadow of a doubt, for he believed it was his duty as her partner and Father of her child.

 

_You are my one and only_

_You can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb and hold me tight_

_Oh, you are my one and only_

_You can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb and hold me tight_

_And you'll be alright_

 

“Jamie,” Claire whispered, “I think we need to go to the doctor.”

 

“Everything okay, Sassenach?” Jamie looked up from his Xbox, pausing the game and setting the controller down.

 

“The baby hasn’t moved for a week. Not even a hiccup. And I’ve been bleeding…”

 

Jamie felt himself gulp, he looked her in the eyes.

 

“Why didn’t ye say something?” He took her hands, holding them close to her bump.

 

He felt his heart rate elevate, worry flushed through him as he looked Claire dead in the eyes.

 

“I thought they were maybe sleeping, you know what they’re like. They sleep for hours on end.”

 

“Aye, but no for a full week…”

 

Suddenly Claire doubled over, a cry of pain escaping her lips. Jamie felt his heart drop to the floor.

 

“Fuck, Jamie! Get me to the hospital!” Claire called out.

 

Immediately, Jamie grabbed the keys to their car and helped Claire out of the house and towards it. In a fit of panic, Jamie drove to Accident and Emergency, muttering soft prayer to St. Gerard to protect Claire and his child.

 

_Oh, you're just a small bump unknown_

_You'll grow into your skin_

_With a smile like hers_

_And a dimple beneath your chin_

Jamie and Claire were immediately rushed into a side room, awaiting a midwife and doctor to come see to them.

 

Jamie’s face was red hot, clearly worrying for his wee family. He watched Claire, she looked so calm now that the pain had gone. But he could still see panic cover her face. He could tell that something was wrong, but he was so scared to admit to himself that he might not go home from this a family of three.

 

A short while later, a doctor came through to the couple, a midwife following close behind with an ultrasound monitor. The doctor apologised for the coolness of the gel before squeezing it onto Claire’s bump. He moved the wand over the bottom of her bump and looked closely at the scan, looking for any issues with the child. All the while, Jamie sat on the edge of his seat, holding Claire’s hand tightly for fear of the worst. Jamie felt his breath hitch in his throat when the doctor furrowed his brows, a look of concern covering his face.

 

“Mr Fraser, Miss Beauchamp, I’m afraid…”

 

“Don’t,” Claire welled up, “please don’t say it.”

 

“I’m afraid the baby is no longer here. She has unfortunately died in the womb. I’m so sorry.”

 

Jamie felt his heart drop once more that evening. Tears began to fall down his face as he felt himself breakdown. He wasn’t going to be a Dad after all. He held Claire’s hand tightly as they both cried their hearts out.

 

It didn’t feel real. How could the baby have died when they barely had a chance to live? They hadn’t lived out of the womb yet. They couldn’t be dead. The doctor was lying. He had to be lying. Jamie’s baby… His baby girl. He realised the doctor had said ‘She’ as opposed to ‘they’. Jamie and Claire were supposed to be having a baby girl.

 

Their sweet innocent baby girl. She couldn’t be gone.

 

The doctor allowed them to grieve for a few moments before speaking again.

 

“There are, of course, a number of options here.” He coughed to clear his throat, “you can either wait until labour occurs naturally, you can have a caesarean section or you can have labour induced and deliver your daughter naturally.”

 

Jamie and Claire looked at each other, tears still flooding their vision. They didn’t know what to do, they really did not know.

 

“I’ll give you both some time.” The doctor nodded a little, leaving the room.

 

Jamie sat up on the bed next to Claire, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close. They sat in silence for a while, both too numb to talk.

 

Eventually, Claire spoke up, clearing her throat in a cough.

 

“I-I think,” She welled up again, “I think I should go for induced labour.” Claire began to cry again, shaking in the arms of her fiancé.

 

“It’s completely up to you, Sassenach. Just ken, I’ll be with ye every step of the way. Am no leavin’ either of ye.”

 

Claire wailed, hiding her face in Jamie’s side as she let out all her emotions.

 

Jamie took deep breaths, he held back his tears as he tried to stay strong for Claire.

 

_Fingernails the size_

_Of a half grain of rice_

_And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide_

_A small bump_

_In four months you'll open your eyes_

Once Claire had cried herself to sleep, Jamie slipped out of the room and walked to the car. It was in his car that he kept a packet of cigarettes. He only ever smoked when he felt he needed to, it wasn’t exactly a good habit, but it wasn’t something that happened often. He hadn’t needed to since he met Claire. But damn, did he need a cigarette now.

 

Pulling out his phone, he dialled his Mums number. He needed to tell her sooner rather than later.

 

“Hiya Jamie, son, is everything alright?”

 

Jamie felt himself begin to cry again, he knew his mum could hear it on the other end of the phone.

 

“Jamie?”

 

“Mummy,” He wailed out like a child again, “We’ve lost the bairn.”

 

He could hear his Mum sniff on the other end of the line.

 

“Oh, Jamie, son. Where are you? Yer Da and I will be there as soon as we can.”

 

“We’re at accident and emergency, Claire’s sleeping.”

 

“Okay, son. I love you. Sit tight.”

 

“Love you too, mummy.” He half whispered, hanging up the phone and falling to his knees in a fit of tears.

 

Eventually, he made his way back to the room where Claire was being kept. He climbed back onto the bed next to Claire and held her tightly and drifted off into a sleep too.

 

“Jamie?” A soothing voice came, it was a voice he knew well from growing up. “Jamie, yer Da and I are here.”

 

Sitting up, Jamie rubbed his bloodshot eyes. “Mummy?” He looked up at his mum.

 

“I’m here, son.” She pulled him up to his feet, and although he was twenty-four and towered above her, she still held him close, soothing him gently like he was still her little baby.

 

He clung close to his Mum, desperate for her comfort. As he allowed himself to be held by his mum, he didn’t realise that Claire had woken up.

 

Brian, however, noticed that she was awake and clearly still grieving the loss of her child. He sat on the bed and held her close, placing a kiss on her curls as he stroked up and down her back carefully. Brian lulled his future daughter-in-law as they all grieved the child that couldn’t be.

 

_And I'll hold you tightly_

_I'll tell you nothing but truth_

_If you're not inside me_

_I'll put my future in you_

_You are my one and only_

_You can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb and hold me tight_

_Oh, you are my one and only_

_You can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb and hold me tight_

_And you'll be alright_

Claire’s screams filled the ward as her contractions grew closer and closer together. The time was now. Jamie and Claire were going to meet their baby girl. They were going to meet her and say goodbye to her, something no parent should ever have to do. But unfortunately, Jamie and Claire had to. They had to say goodbye to their little daughter before they could even get to know her.

 

“You goddamn bloody bastard!” Claire cried out, squeezing Jamie’s hand until it turned a pale white shade. “You did this to me! If you could have just,” she wailed again, pushing with a contraction, “if you could have just checked you were wearing a condom, we wouldn’t be in this position!”

 

Jamie just nodded, accepting everything Claire was saying to him. He deserved it. If he was more careful, if he had either checked he had a condom on or checked that a condom didn’t split, they wouldn’t be in this position. If he had been more careful, they wouldn’t be having a stillborn child.

 

Eventually, Claire let out a long sigh of relief. Labour was over and their child was born.

 

Claire reached out for her daughter, begging to hold her.

 

When the child was handed to her, she clutched her close to her chest. Jamie looked at their daughter, his heart swelling with love at the sight of his fiancée and child. Claire cried, holding her baby tightly to her chest and whispering, “please come back, please don’t be dead, please.”

 

Jamie cried again, sitting back in his chair and let himself curl up on the chair. He was desperate for a cuddle, but it was best to allow Claire to hold their baby for a while longer.

 

[Jamie Fraser: Hi Mum, baby’s born. You can come see her now.”

 

Subtly, Jamie took a photo of Claire holding their baby. He deliberately got it at an angle where you couldn’t tell that se had been crying for her child to come back. He wanted this photo as a keepsake of their bairn. Their first born.

 

Eventually, Claire allowed Jamie to hold their daughter. He held her close to his chest, rocking her back and forth. Jamie admired her looks, it was very clear that she had the prominent Fraser nose, and his red hair.

 

“Oh, my child, you are so, so loved. But the angels wanted ye back, for they needed someone so pure to be with them. But dinna worry, yer Ma and I will always remember ye. Our perfect wee angel. Ye gave us faith in ourselves.” With a soft tear, Jamie kissed the top of her forehead, his tear landing on her forehead.

 

“F-Faith…” Claire hiccupped out, “I think she would suit the name Faith.”

 

Jamie looked up at Claire with a soft smile.

 

“Faith Fraser.”

 

They both smiled, tears still streaming down their cheeks as they sat closely together, admiring their angel baby.

_And you can lie with me_

_With your tiny feet_

_When you're half asleep_

_I'll leave you be_

_Right in front of me_

_For a couple weeks_

_So I can keep you safe_

_'Cause you are my one and only_

_You can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb and hold me tight_

_You are my one and only_

_You can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb and hold me tight_

_And you'll be alright_

A few weeks later, the Fraser Clan all stood in a chapel, all feeling numb at the loss of the newest Fraser Clan member.

 

None of them understood why it happened, they just knew that it happened.

 

Faith Fraser was a loved wee bairn, right from the moment she was conceived.

 

Jamie and Claire imagined a life for her. To keep each other sane, they talked about the life she would have had, what kind of child she would become. Claire often mentioned that Faith would have been as stubborn as her Father and Grandfather. Jamie agreed, letting out a soft laugh.

 

But no thoughts of her future were happening today.

 

Today they said goodbye to Faith Fraser for the last time.

 

Faith was to be buried in Prestonpans cemetery, a teddy bear cuddle close to her to keep her company in the darkness and to guide her in the afterlife. Both Jamie and Claire had sprayed their aftershave and perfume onto the bear, allowing for Faith to know what her parents smelled like and to always take comfort in that scent into the afterlife.

 

_Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life, through our Lord Jesus Christ; who shall change our vile body, that it may be like unto his glorious body, according to the mighty working, whereby he is able to subdue all things to himself._

The Fraser Clan all dropped a handful of dirt onto the coffin, each saying a small prayer for their wee Faith.

 

Jamie and Claire stood back, numb in every sense of the word.

 

But they would be okay. Eventually.

 

_'Cause you were just a small bump unborn_

_For four months then torn from life_

_Maybe you were needed up there_

_But we're still unaware as why_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! That was a really upsetting chapter to write! But unfortunately, I felt like I should stay close to canon and have it that they lose Faith. 
> 
> Jem x


	11. Chapter 11

“Why don’t ye go tae bed, Sassenach?” Jamie sighed, trying to kiss her forehead.

 

As he leaned in, Claire flinched away. Since losing Faith, they had barely looked at each other, let alone touch. Claire was too scared to get any closer to him than sitting next to him in on the sofa. They had been sleeping apart for the past month.

 

“N-No, I’m fine.” Claire yawned, running her hands through her hair. “I’ve got some paperwork to do, I missed a lot while on leave.”

 

Jamie sighed softly, aching to reach out and pull her into an embrace.

 

“Okay, Sassenach. I’ll go to bed then.” He smiled sadly, getting up and moving towards the bedroom. “I love you, Claire. Truly.”

 

Claire simply nodded, writing notes for her upcoming surgeries.

 

Without saying another word, Jamie walked out of the office and towards their bedroom.

 

She turned to the door, half expecting him to be there for her, yet knowing he would be giving her the space she had wanted so dear. Once she had realised that he wasn’t there, she doubled over in a state of panic, tears flowing. Breakdowns like these were a normal occurrence, she longed for her baby, her darling little Faith and she longed for Jamie. Oh how she longed for Jamie’s touch, but she had been pushing him away. She feared that if she let herself get close to him again, they might accidentally conceive again and she would have to go through the whole trauma of losing another child. It was an unreasonable fear, she knew the chances were slim, but she still allowed the fear to take hold.

 

Eventually, the exhaustion took hold over her. Between the overworking and the constant breakdowns, Claire hadn’t left much time for sleep. She hadn’t slept properly in weeks, a couple of hours here and there, nothing all too major. But there comes a time when a person just crashes, and sleep finally took ahold of Claire. It pulled her into a deep sleep.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“It’s my turn to get her, Sassenach.” Jamie kissed his fiancée’s forehead gently before getting up for baby duty.

 

Wee Faith screamed until her face turned purple, desperate for attention from her parents.

 

Jamie pulled her out of her cot and cradled her close to his chest.

 

”Now, now, Faith, whits aw the racket fur, eh?”

 

Jamie rocked her gently, carefully walking her down the stairs into the kitchen to prepare a bottle.

 

As her Dad rocked her, her cries began to subside, turning into a sort of pant-like breathing as she calmed down. Jamie quietly sang her a song, the best he could, for it was clear he sounded like a cat being strangled when he sang. But it soothed Faith, the sound of her dad’s cat screech voice had calmed her even when she was in the womb.

 

Claire padded downstairs, unable to sleep for worry of her baby’s cries. But once she had gotten to the kitchen door, the fear evaporated. In the centre of the kitchen stood Jamie, holding their little girl close to his chest and rocking her away while he fed her. Claire had worried about him becoming a father, he was still young and reckless at times, but upon seeing him with Faith, those worries had been subdued. There were many things Jamie was good at and being a father was most certainly one of them.

 

Jamie hadn't noticed Claire behind him until he had turned around to go back up to the bedroom with their newborn. When he did notice her, a soft smile spread on his face.

 

”Hi, ” he smiled, planting a soft kiss on Claire’s lips, ”the wee yin was just hungry. Thought you were asleep?”

 

”Her cries kept me awake.” Claire shrugged, crossing her arms.

 

Jamie nodded, vaguely gesturing towards the stairs to head back to their room.

 

”Give her here.” Claire smiled, sitting down on their bed and holding her arms out for her bairn.

 

Reluctantly, Jamie carefully handed her over, the bottle still intact as he did. Faith was without a doubt a Fraser, she couldn't go without a bottle for more than a second once she had started. For if she did, she could most likely bring the police to her door with the wails.

 

Once he’d handed her over, he reached for his phone and snapped a tactical photo of his fiancée and newborn daughter. He smiled at it and quickly set it as his home screen, happy to look at it whenever he could.

 

Once Faith had lulled off into a sleep, Claire gently rested her down into the next to me crib and pulled her blanket over her.

 

”That should keep her to morning, ” Claire yawned, lying down on her side, ”I hope.”

 

Jamie smiled, lying to spoon her.

 

”She’s a good lass, I'm sure she’ll sleep for at least another two hours.”

 

Claire nodded, already beginning to drift off.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jamie sat on the bed for a short while, half expecting Claire to come through to kick him out and make him sleep on the sofa again like had been the case for the last three weeks since they had lost Faith.

 

But that hadn't happened and he’d left her almost an hour ago.

 

Worried about her, he hopped off the bed and made his way to the office, half hoping he’d be told to bugger off and leave her alone. Instead, he was met with the sight of her doubled over snoring slightly. Jamie decided it would be best to try and move her, at least into a position comfier than the one she was in. Carefully, Jamie pulled her up from the chair, trying to carry her bridal style. He knew he had to do this carefully or he would be met with a sight quite familiar to that of wild dogs; Claire Beauchamp was not one to be woken from sleep. Ever. And it would be a lie to say Jamie wasn't terrified of meeting this tonight.

 

He carefully lay her on the bed, opting to pull blankets over her instead of faffing about with the quilts.

 

”Jamie?”

 

He stopped dead in his tracks, frozen to the core. Had he woken Claire up? He hoped not...

 

”Jamie, love, please come here.” Claire begged, propping up on her elbows.

 

Jamie turned round to look at her.

 

”Claire...”

 

She sat further up, lifting her arms up for him to come closer to allow her to cuddle him.

 

Without thinking, he moved quickly towards her, taking her in his arms and holding her close to him. He felt himself begin to cry again, tears soaking into his fiancée’s hair. Jamie stroked her curls gently, cupping the nape of her neck as he held her.

 

”Claire, I’m so, so, sorry. I'm truly sorry.” He cried, blaming him for their situation.

 

Claire shook her head, clinging tightly to him, beginning to cry too.

 

”Jamie, it's not your fault. It's not. If anything it’s mine, I was the one carrying her, she died inside me...”

 

Both Jamie and Claire wailed, holding each other as they finally let out the emotions they had been bottling up for weeks. They rocked each other carefully until they couldn't cry anymore.

 

Calming down, Jamie pulled away from his fiancée. He cupped her face and looked her in the eyes.

 

”Now listen here, Claire Beauchamp, it's not your fault we lost our Faith-”

 

”B-but I had a duty to carry her and protect her a-as she g-grew!”

 

”No, no, Sassenach, ” Jamie whispered, drying her tears, ”the angels wanted her back. They knew she was too pure for this world and they needed her back. Okay?”

 

Claire nodded, not particularly believing in this nonsense, but knowing it gave Jamie solace, she let herself agree with it.

 

Jamie gave her a soft smile and kissed her forehead.

 

”Faith knows she’s loved, she kens that fiercely. And I believe she’s watching down on us now, she's our wee guardian angel. Eh?”

 

Claire nodded again, hiccuping through her tears. She leant forward and rested her head on Jamie’s chest, needing his heartbeat to soothe her. Eventually, her breathing calmed down and she stopped crying for now.

 

”We’ll be alright, Sassenach. We’ll get through this and we’ll start again.”

 

Jamie rocked Claire softly, lulling her back into a sleep.

 

He knew they’d get through this. He just knew she had to have some space to get through it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next morning, Claire had gotten up first and headed down to their kitchen. She raided the fridge for the breakfast pack she had bought the day before.

 

Feeling like a new woman, Claire decided she had to make things up to Jamie. Since Faith she had acted cold, pushing Jamie away at every attempt she could. After all, Faith was his double. She had the Fraser nose and her dads red hair. Claire knew she had been pushing Jamie away because he reminded her so of Faith. But she couldn’t push him away forever. Because a) it wasn’t fair to punish him for something out-with his control and b) she missed him terribly, she needed him more than she knew to admit. So today, she decided, today would be the day she was going to make more of an effort. Life had to go on.

 

Jamie followed down the stairs not long later, almost as though he was following the smell of the cooking bacon.

 

”Morning, love.” Claire smiled, flipping the black pudding on the plate.

 

Jamie smiled, hugging her from behind and kissing her cheek.

 

The tension had lifted between the pair, they both felt newer and happier.

 

Claire leant into Jamie’s touch, continuing to cook up his favourite breakfast. Jamie smiled, rocking her softly, placing a soft kiss on her neck.

 

“What’s all this fur, Sassenach?” Jamie smiled.

 

“An apology.” Claire shrugged a little.

 

“What fur?”

 

“Well, since we...Since we lost Faith, I’ve been cold and cruel...a-and I think I need to make up for that.”

 

Jamie sighed with a sad smile, hugging Claire tightly.

 

“Dinnae blame yersel’, Sassenach. You were just grieving, ye cannae blame yerself.”

 

“Yes,” Claire turned round, wrapping her arms around his waist, “but I punished you because she was your double....she was without a doubt your daughter....” Claire began to tear up, nestling her face in Jamie’s chest.

 

“Shhh, shhh, Sassenach. It’s okay.” He kisses her forehead, holding her tight. “Dinna fash...But, uhm,” He didn’t know how to broach this subject but for the sake of his stomach, he needed to... “The bacon’s burning...”

 

“Oh, Christ!” Claire quickly turned around and took it off the heat. “These bloody fucking hormones.”

 

Jamie sighed, rubbing the sides of her arms carefully.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“No, dinnae be, Claire. I love ye. I love ye so much I can scarcely breath, I just need ye tae be happy again.”

 

“But I cant be happy, Jamie. A part of me is missing, Faith isn’t here with me...with us. I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy again.”

 

“You will be.” Jamie sighed. “We will be. It’ll tak time, but we’ll be okay.”

 

Claire nodded, sighing softly.

 

“Why don’t we go up tae see her today? I think she needs a visit fae her parents.”

 

“That would be lovely, Jamie. We can go after breakfast.”

 

Jamie smiled, nodding and helping her to finish cooking their breakfast.

 

After they’d finished breakfast and got dressed, they made their way up to the cemetery, taking a teddy from Faith’s room to give to her.

 

“Hello, Faith.” Claire smiled sadly, sitting in front of the teddy bear shaped gravestone.

 

Jamie sat down next to Claire, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to him.

 

Together they sat there for a while, talking to their daughter about anything and everything that they could think of, desperately clinging to the thought of her.

 

It was then that Jamie and Claire felt a wave of relief crash over them. The worst was over and they could move on. They could start getting their life back on track.

 

As they walked back to their house, Claire held Jamie’s hand as tightly as she could.

 

”I had a dream Faith was still here, ” she started.

 

”Oh?” A sad smile covered Jamie’s face.

 

”It was just a normal one, nothing big. I dreamt you got up for a feeding and that was all it was. We cuddled her to sleep and she fell asleep so quickly.”

 

Jamie smiled properly now, happy to know that even in her dreams, he was a good dad. He squeezed her hand tightly and smiled.

 

”We would have been good parents.” He kissed Claire’s cheek.

 

”We will be, ” She smiled at him. ”After the wedding, and when we’re ready of course.”

 

”Y-ye still want to marry me?”

 

”Of course, you great lump. As long as you didn't propose because I was pregnant?”

 

”Naw. I proposed because I love ye, Claire. I love ye so, so much that it hurts. And even if we’re wi’out Faith now, those feelings havnae changed at all. I think we’ll move on and we’ll have plenty of other bairns and they’ll have their big sister watching over them and protecting them.”

 

Claire smiled sweetly, stopping in her tracks and pulling him in for a long sweet kiss.

 

”I love you too, Fraser. Now let's get home so I can have you.” She grinned.

 

Jamie smirked, leading her back to their house as quickly as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another wee chapter for you all! 
> 
> Things should be going back to normal for our favourite pair! 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Jem x


	12. Chapter Twelve

Claire sat at the bottom of the stairs, hoovering each step with such vigour. She had let the housework slip since she had fallen pregnant, and she couldn’t be bothered so much after Faith. But it couldn’t wait any longer. Ellen had been coming round often to give them a hand with some of the cooking and cleaning. She did this mainly for Claire, she had know that Jamie didn’t really know the difference between a broom and a mop and certainly didn’t understand what bleach was, so trying to help with Claire’s busy schedule and mental state, Ellen did what she could. After all, if anyone understood what it was like to lose their unborn child, it was Ellen. 

Before Jamie, Ellen and Brian had lost their own beautiful boy. Robert Fraser was unfortunately stillborn. After Robert was born, Ellen was told it was unlikely she would have anymore kids. She wasn’t fussed for this, for she already had three. Even if one was with the angels. Then ten months later, wee Jamie had made an appearance. Making him the spoiled younger child, Ellen’s wee miracle baby. So she spoiled him rotten, for she wasn’t meant to have him. But still, she regretted that now. While he has grown into a respectable young man, she felt guilty for not showing him how to clean, cook or even work a washing machine. 

Once Claire had reached the top of the stairs, she breathed out a sigh of relief. Bottom floor hoovered. Thankfully, the upstairs wasn’t as annoying to hoover so she could quite easily get it cleaned. 

“Just think, Beauchamp, once this is over you can have a nice large glass of wine. God knows you need it.” She muttered to herself. 

As she stood straight to begin hoovering the landing, the doorbell rang. Checking her Fitbit for the time, her brows furrowed. She wasn’t expecting anybody at this time. Maybe it was a Jehovah’s Witness or someone trying to sell her something. They’ll disappear eventually. She rested against the wall for a bit, not wanting to make it seem like the was in. But the doorbell rang again. And again. And again. Sighing to herself, she padded down the stairs to answer the door. 

“Hello?” 

“Oh, hi. Is there a Jamie Fraser here?” 

“Uh, he’s out at the minute. He’ll be back soon.” 

“Oh, okay. Can you tell him John Grey stooped by, please?” 

“Sure.” Claire smiled at John. 

Her smile grew when Jamie started to walk along the path into their house. 

“Hiya, love.” She smiled, waving. “You have a visitor!” 

“Oh, aye.” He smiled walking a wee bit faster. 

When Jamie got closer to this visitor, his heart sunk. He realised exactly who it was. John Grey. His first...everything. The first person to truly break his heart. 

“John...” Jamie gasped, looking sad. “What are you doing here?” 

“I- I wanted to talk to you.” 

Claire looked at the pair, not quite understanding what was going on. To give the pair some privacy, she grabbed her coat and handbag. 

“I need to go get shopping, and now seems as good a time as ever.” She smiled awkwardly. “Forgive the untangled hoover upstairs, I was doing the housework. Back in a bit.” She Kissed Jamie carefully before walking in the general direction of the Co-op. 

Jamie hesitantly invited John in, following behind him and heading towards the kitchen. 

“Tea?” Jamie mumbled. 

“I’d love one.” 

Jamie, instinctively, made John a cup of tea, still remembering the way he took it. Like many things about John Grey, Jamie found it difficult to forget. Jamie had loved John with every fibre of his being, yet John had to break him down the way he did. Jamie had moved on. Twice. But now, now he had found his real love. In Claire he found his soulmate, the one he knew he belonged with. They had a child, they were getting married. He loved Claire to pieces. Yet with John appearing out of the blue, old feelings were coming back and Jamie was confused all over again. 

“How did you find me?” Said Jamie, bluntly. 

“Uhm, Willie gave me your address.” John gulped. “I needed to see you, Jamie. I needed to apologise...” 

“Yer two years too late, John. Can’t you see a’ve moved on?” Jamie growled. “Ye fucking left me because you were afraid of being cut off. Ye put your fears first.” Jamie’s Scottish accent always became thicker when he was hurting or angry. And now, he was both. 

“I know, Jamie and I’m sorry. I’m really truly sorry. But my Grandfather’s dead now. So I don’t need to hide anything anymore.” 

Jamie laughed bitterly. 

“I don’t even care, John.” 

“Jamie, please, I still love you.” John pleaded. 

“John, I’m getting married tae Claire soon. We’ve just lost our bairn and now you turn up out of the fucking blue. How could Ye dae this?” 

“You..you’re getting married?” John almost whispered. 

“Aye,” Jamie sighed, “next year.” 

“Wow,” John mumbled. 

“Ye Ken something? That could have been you, John. You coulda been the one I was marrying.” Jamie felt himself tear up, “it was always you that I wanted. After you left me, I ended up rebounding with fucking Laoghaire of all people. I had to almost pry her off me when I ended it. But then I met Claire and I felt incredible again, like I really could love someone so beautiful again. It was Claire that fixed me. And she has fixed me time and time again. So am sorry, John.” 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Jamie,” John sighed. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I pushed you away...” 

“Aye, well,” Jamie snuffed, wiping his tears away. 

John had a habit of this. He made Jamie cry for no reason, he invoked emotions that Jamie didn’t normally let anyone see, other than Claire of course. 

John sighed, aching to reach for Jamie and comfort him like he used to. But it was time to realise. Jamie was not longer his and he wouldn’t be again. 

“Jamie,” John placed a caring hand on his shoulder, “please know that I will always love you. But I know I can’t have you. You’re Claire’s now. And I respect that. I just... I just needed to come say my peace.” 

Jamie smiled sadly. It would be a lie to say that he didn’t want to lean in and kiss him, but he knew that he couldn’t. 

“I will always love ye, John. But not like I used to. You will always be ma first. But I need to ask you to leave. Claire will be home any minute and I’d like to be alone with my fiancée.” 

John simply nodded, placing a soft kiss on Jamie’s cheek. 

“Goodbye, Jamie.” 

Jamie stood there, allowing John to see himself out. Once the front door had clicked shut, he fell on the sofa, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. Tears slipped down his face. He had moved on from John, all feelings for him had been forgotten. He found Claire and oh, how he loved his gorgeous, daring Sassenach woman. Jamie had been through a lot recently. First he lost his darling baby girl and then his lost love turned up out of the blue. Was God out to get him? Because if He wasn’t, He had a cruel way of showing He cared. 

Claire came back shortly after John had left, a couple of Co-op bags in hand. 

“Jamie,” she called, “I’m back.” 

Claire sauntered into the living room, coming behind Jamie and hugging him. Feeling the wet of his cheeks, her smile dropped. 

“Jamie, are you okay?” 

“Aye,” he tried to smile, wiping his tears from his face. 

“James Fraser, I know when you’re lying. Did that John upset you?” 

Jamie nodded, eyes watering once again. 

“What happened?” She queried. 

“Well, John is my ex.” Jamie gulped, “Claire, I’ve never told you this, but I’m actually bisexual.” 

Claire nodded, slowly taking in what Jamie had said to her. 

“Okay,” she nodded again, “I didn’t actually expect that. But. Okay.” 

“Please don’t hate me, Claire. I just. I just didn’t think it mattered.” 

“I don’t hate you, Jamie.” She smiled, “I love you. I just wish you told me sooner.”

Jamie sighed, curling into Claire. 

“Why don’t you tell me what happened between you both?” 

Jamie sighed, burying his face in Claire’s chest. Eventually, he began to speak openly to her about John and his sexuality. He told her how he was afraid of being bisexual, how the very thought of it scared him at first. He told her how John initially made him feel and how he slowly fell in love with him, how when he was with John, it truly felt like nothing else mattered. They went to university together, they both felt so content together. The things turned sour when John’s extremely conservative and homophobic grandfather had come to know of his grandson’s sexuality, along with his relationship with Jamie. Jamie told her how John left him, how John had packed his bags and had arranged with his PAT and lecturers to finish the year by dialling into lectures from home in Edinburgh. Jamie was well and truly left alone, his heart breaking piece by piece as he realised he had been left alone with the pictures of their relationship in the wee flat that they had shared. 

Claire listened intently, holding her love close to her. She felt for him, she truly did. The only real heartbreak she had experienced was losing Frank and then the trauma of losing her child. Poor Jamie had lost John a few years ago, he had lost a committed and loving relationship (one that had lasted almost six years), he had healed and moved on, only to lose a child and for this lost love to reappear shortly after. It was the that Claire realised how much Jamie had hurt recently. 

“Do you still love him?” She asked carefully. 

“Aye,” he whispered, “but not like ah love you, Claire. He was my first love an’ he will always have a special place in my heart, just like Frank does in your heart. But ah don’t want him back, he’s made his bed. Ah have you and you’re all I ever need.” 

Claire kissed her love’s forehead, her lips lingering for a while. 

“I love you too, Jamie.” 

And they sat there for a while, holding each other on their sofa. All they ever needed was each other and that was certainly more than enough. They didn’t need their past to validate them, they had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a quick wee chapter for you all! I couldn't sleep at all, so I've updated this fic for you. 
> 
> Since the last update, I have written a one-shot based on Laoghaire's point of view after the break-up (WHy Her Not Me) AND I've begun writing another multi-chapter fic based on Jamie and John's relationship (I Kissed A Boy)! So please have a wee read if you haven't already! 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Jem x


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Claire stood at her kitchen sink, biting her nails, staring ahead of her, in deep thought. Since Jamie’s revelation, she had been thinking about this John. Why was he back? What did he want from Jamie? Did Jamie want him back? Claire felt unsure of everything, especially the status of her relationship. She didn’t care about Jamie’s sexuality, that was something that couldn’t be helped. And why did that matter anyway? Claire was never one to care about these things. But it certainly did bug her that Jamie hadn’t told her this before now, was he hiding something? Claire groaned loudly, running her hands through her hair, and tugging at the lengths in despair. She wasn’t ready for this at all. Not in the slightest. Things between her and Jamie were only just getting back on track after losing Faith, they were beginning to have a real relationship again. They were planning their wedding. 

Pulling her phone out, she realised that she desperately needed to phone someone to talk to them about it. Her first instinct was Joe, her best friend and advisor. But he was in America visiting family. Her next choice was Jenny, Jamie’s older sister. Upon consideration, it was clear she was the better option. She knew Jamie better than anyone, really, and she also knew about Jamie’s relationship with John. At least, Claire hoped she did. Claire dialled Jenny’s number, tapping the fingers of her free hand against the worktop. 

“Hey, Claire, ye alright?” Jenny’s soft voice came. 

“Uhm, not particularly. Can I come round?” 

“Yeah, of course.” Jenny replied, “has something happened between you and my bampot brother?” 

“You could say that,” Claire mumbled a little, “I’ll be over in a few. Jamie’s left me the car today.” 

“Okay, Claire, see you in a bit.” 

Tucking her phone into her jeans pocket, Claire grabbed her coat from the back of the chair and made her way to the front door. With a sigh, she grabbed her keys from the dish and left the house. The car was silent on the way to Jenny’s, she kept tapping her fingers against the steering wheel in an attempt to push Jamie and John out of her mind momentarily. 

When Claire arrived at Jenny’s, she carefully chapped the door before walking in. Thankfully, Claire was at that stage. 

“Jenny?” She called from the bottom of the stairs. 

“Just coming!” 

“Okay, I’ll pop the kettle on!” 

When she was with Jenny, it was almost a guarantee that they would have tea at some point. They always seemed to have their heart to hearts sitting at a dining room table with a warm cup of tea between their hands. Claire would always admit that a good cup of tea can solve just about anything. But this situation, however, probably needed something stronger. But Claire was driving, so a glass of wine was not going to be an option for her. Not long after the kettle boiled, Jenny came back down the stairs, a wee smile on her face. 

“Mummy; One, Maggie; nil!” 

“Resisting nap time was she?” 

“Aye, she’s a wee cretin when it comes tae bedtime.” 

Claire smiled, nodding a little bit. 

“So,” Jenny began, grabbing her cup of tea and moving to her dining room table, “what’s my delightful baby brother done tae ye now?” 

Claire let out a long sigh, unsure of where to begin. 

“Well,” she paused, “it’s not really Jamie’s fault. Much.” 

“Oh?” 

“Uhm, well, I had someone at the door the other day. Said his name was John Grey and he was looking for Jamie.” 

Jenny sat up straight, looking Claire dead in the eye. 

“John’s back?” 

Claire nodded. 

“I had no idea Jamie was bisexual until the other day. It never ever came up. Until this John showed up at my door asking to see him.” 

“Jesus,” Jenny muttered, “I never thought he would come back. I could smack him for the heartache he caused ma brother.” 

“Jamie didn’t exactly go into too much detail. He just told me he was with John for a little over five years and that he was his first... everything.” Claire sighed, taking a long sip of her tea. 

“Well,” Jenny sighed, “When we all moved down here when ah was eighteen, Jamie was alone here for a while. John was the first friend he made in Musselburgh and then ended up being his first relationship down here anaw, the first person he was had sex with- 

Claire wrinkled her nose at the sound of that.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Jenny smiled weakly, “but John was definitely his first love. The pair were absolutely inseparable.” 

Claire nodded a little, trying to take in what Jenny was saying, but it still hurt her to hear it. She didn’t know why, she knew Jamie had been with other people, but a small part of her felt like she was competing with John. 

“Jamie told me how they broke up. That John had pretty much upped and left, citing his grandfather for the reason.” 

Jenny nodded slightly. 

“After John left him, Jamie went on a massive bender. I mean, he was a wreck, Mam and I had to go up tae Perth just to snap him out of it.” 

“That doesn’t sound like Jamie...” Claire sighed. 

“Aye, well, he wasn’t himself when John left. He didn’t even have the decency to say goodbye. All it was was a letter apologising. All of John’s stuff was packed an’ away, all that Jamie had left was the photos of their relationship.” 

“Christ,” Claire mumbled, feeling a bit guilty for being angry about it, “did John leave because of money?” 

Jenny shrugged, “Jamie said that he wouldn’t have, he didn’t care much for money. But he respected his Granda’ so much that he didn’t wantae lose him, apparently. But I think otherwise. Either way, if Ma or I ever get our hands on him we’ll bloody kill him.” 

Claire nodded weakly. 

“I feel so guilty now.” She murmured. 

“Why? It’s no your fault John left Jamie.” 

“Well, I’ve been feeling like I’ve had to compete these past few days. Jamie’s barely touched me, barely even looked at me. I just began to assume that he was going to leave me and take John back...” 

“I don’t know, Claire.” Jenny sighed. “But I do ken that my brother loves ye tae bits. He’d dae anything for ye. So, I wouldnae be worried about it. Unless he’s done something to make he worry?” 

Claire shook her head, but still she was curious. 

“Do you,” she hesitated, “do you think if Jamie and I weren’t together he’d have gone back to John?” 

“Oh probably,” Jenny shrugged, “but ye’ve got tae remember, Claire, everyone has their first love and their true love. Even if ye dinna believe in that stuff, it’s true. And I think that John was Jamie’s first love, the one that showed him love and heartbreak, but ah think you’re his true love. The minute Jamie laid eyes on ye, Claire, he was daft about ye. He wouldn’t shut up about this English doctor he met. You’ve made mad brother happier than he’s ever been in a long time. It’s just shite timing is all,” Jenny smiled weakly, “I don’t think Jamie would be as confused and daft about John if ye hadn’t have just lost the bairn. He’s still grieving, Claire, and I guess now that John’s back, it’ll be instinctive for him to want him for comfort.” 

Claire sighed, looking into her half-filled mug. Jenny was always level headed and calm about these things. She was a great confidante and always put things into perspective. 

“D-Do you think, it would be unreasonable for me to let Jamie go?” Claire asked. This thought had plagued her mind for the past few days. Would it be worth letting Jamie go and seeing who he chose? Claire couldn’t keep Jamie in this relationship if he didn’t want it, despite the fact she loved him terribly, she couldn’t bear to trap him in a relationship he didn’t want. After all, that’s how it happened with Laoghaire. 

“Yes,” Jenny said bluntly, “if ye let Jamie go, he’s almost surely going to go back to John and ye might not get him back.” 

Claire felt tears flush down her cheeks, everything was so shit and confusing and she couldn’t bear it. This was the hardest year she’d ever endured in her lifetime and it didn’t seem to be getting any easier. 

“I just d-don’t want to trap him, Jenny, I don’t want him to feel obligated to stay with me if it’s John he wants.” 

“If Jamie wanted John, he would have gone tae John, eh? He hasn’t yet. Give him time, he’ll come round. Like ah said, he’s daft about ye.” 

Claire nodded a little bit, finding solace in her cup of tea. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamie rattled his fingers against the table in the coffee shop. He was sure he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life, but he had to do it. He had to get closure. 

“Jamie.” John said breathlessly, walking up to his former love. 

Jamie gulped, his breath catching in his throat. John had certainly changed in the past few years. He had grown more into himself, his jawline had chiseled more, his cheeks weren’t as chubby as they were when they were twenty-one. Jamie felt his heart flutter again, like they did when they were teenagers. But he had to convince himself that this was only habitual, he didn’t love John that way anymore. 

“John.” Jamie stood up, holding his hand out to shake John’s. 

“No hug?” 

“No.” Jamie gulped, “for if I do, I dinna think I’d let go.” He tried to look stern, he was still angry about how John left him. 

John nodded, gulping a little too. He sat down across from Jamie and thanking him for the coffee. 

They sat in silence for a while, unsure of what to say. Scared to talk in case they never stopped. 

“Th-thank you for meeting me, Jay.” 

Jame glared a little bit at the old nickname, his fingers curling into a soft fist. 

“Dinna call me that,” he half-growled, “Ye lost all right tae call me that when he abandoned me.” Tears formed in the Scot’s eye, he knew full well he was going to cry, but instead he turned it to anger. 

“Jamie...” John sighed a little. 

“Why’d ye do it, huh? Why’d he abandon me like that?” Jamie asked, his tone full of anger and hurt. 

“Did you not read my letter?” 

“Aye. But ah still want tae know why ye did it.” 

“Because,” John sighed, “because I didn’t want to lose my family, Jamie. I couldn’t bear to, you should have realised that.” 

“Was ah not yer family?” 

“Well, yes, but-“ 

“So if you didna want tae lose yer family, why did you leave me? Ye lost me?” 

“Jamie, I didn’t want to. It was an ultimatum. You or everyone else. Grandpa has corrupted my Mum and brothers, he blamed them entirely for me being gay. He guilt tripped them, making them feel guilty and I couldn’t take it anymore. Mum turned against me, Jamie. And you know I couldn’t live without my Mum.” 

“I couldn’t live without you, John! Because of you, I felt like I couldna live anymore! Fuck,” tears came streaming down Jamie’s cheek, “I wanted tae die, John. Because of the way ye left me, I just bloody well wanted tae end it all. I couldna bear a life wi’out you in it.” 

“Jamie, I’m so sorry. I had no idea that it would affect you that way...” 

“You had no idea?” Jamie laughed bitterly, sniffing a little, “John ye were my boyfriend for five and half years. We were together fur so long and ye just threw it away? How could ye dae that tae me?” 

“Jamie...” 

“I had an engagement ring, John.” Jamie mumbled, “I had it all sized up and waiting in my laptop bag. I-I was gonna propose on Valentine’s Day.” 

John looked at Jamie carefully, a lump sat in his throat. He couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. If he hadn’t left when he did, he and Jamie could have been married by now. John began to cry a little, realising what could have been. 

“I didn’t realise.” John spoke softly, his voice almost breaking. 

“Aye, well, how could ye? Ye were too wrapped up in her own shite to realise that me, James Fraser King of not being able to keep secrets from ye, was keeping a secret engagement ring.” 

Jamie looked John dead in the eyes, barely able to break eye contact. 

“Ah loved ye so much, John Grey. I honestly thought you were the one. But then ah met Claire and she filled the void you left perfectly. She made me feel whole again,” he smiled fondly at the thought of his fiancée, “Everything moved so fast wi’ her. She fell pregnant very quickly,” he sighed, aching for his child, “I proposed after only eight months of being with her. But just last month, we lost our bairn. We lost our gorgeous baby girl. And ye ken what? I wouldn’t have gotten to ken Claire or be able to love my bairn had ye not left me.” 

John gave Jamie a sympathetic smile, his heart breaking for him. John didn’t know what it was like to lose a child, and he prayed he would never have to. But it still wasn’t fair that Jamie had lost his daughter. 

“What was her name?” He asked softly. 

“Faith,” Jamie smiled sadly, remembering the way his child looked cradled in his arms, “Faith Fraser.” 

“You would have made a good dad, Jamie.” 

“Well, ah hope that Claire and I will be so lucky tae have more children.” Jamie nodded carefully. 

“Hopefully.” John mumbled sadly.

He knew that he had lost Jamie when he left him back in Perth. He knew that he would probably never get to hold him again, he’d never get to kiss him again and he would certainly never get to see Jamie as a father to their kids. Instead, Jamie was meant to be with Claire. They were clearly meant to be together. 

“John, am no gonna lie when ah say that I’m desperate to kiss ye and hold ye close right now. But that’s because it’s what ah did after all our arguments. My body still aches tae hold ye and keep ye close. But I’m no going tae. Because Claire will have my bollocks if ah do.” 

“You really want her, don’t you?” 

“Aye,” Jamie smiled at the thought of her, “ah do. With every fibre of my being.” 

“Well, I think you should go back to her.” John smiled sadly, “I should have know you were no longer mine when I went to yours the other day, but I had to grasp onto that little bit of hope I had.” 

“Just ken, John, that there will always be that part of me that will always love ye. You’ll always have a special place in my heart.” 

“You too, Jamie.” John’s voice cracked as he held back a sob. 

“Now, ah must go see my fiancée. See if she still wants me after all this.” 

“C-Can I at least get a hug goodbye, Jamie? Just one last embrace?” 

Jamie nodded weakly, allowing John this last hug. After all, he ached to hold him again. The pair stood up and carefully pulled each other into a final hug. They held each other tight, neither one particularly wanting to let go, but eventually, Jamie broke their hug. He wished John a soft goodbye and kissed him on the cheek, giving him that as a goodbye. 

John stood there for a few minutes, watching Jamie walk away from him, probably for the last time and he felt his heartbreak again like it did when he was twenty-one. But he knew that he had to move on, it was time. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Claire?” Jamie called, walking through the front door of their home. 

“In the kitchen, love!” Claire called back, stirring their dinner. 

Jamie walked through, heading straight for Claire and pulling her into a deep long kiss, holding her close to his body. Claire made a noise of surprise against his lips. Eventually Jamie pulled away and rested his forehead against hers, looking at her contently. 

“I choose you.” He sighed out, moving a curl from her face. 

“What do you mean?” She furrowed her brows. 

“I met with John today a-and it made me realise how much I actually love ye, Claire Beauchamp. I want to be yours for the rest of our lives.” 

Claire smiled, kissing Jamie softly. 

“I choose you too, Fraser.” 

She quickly pulled away to stir their dinner before it caught on the bottom of the pan. 

“Mmm, that smells gid. What are ye makin’?” Jamie wrapped his arms around Claire’s waist, planting a soft kiss on her cheek. 

“Just a simple ‘mince ‘n’ tatties’.” She grinned. 

“Mmm, my favourite.” 

Jamie turned her round again, pulling her into a long and passionate kiss. 

He was happy with his decision. John was his past, but Claire was his future and oh, how this excited him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheeky wee chapter for you all! I guess these aren’t as sporadic as I thought they’d be! It’s the most committed I’ve ever been to an AU unless I’ve been reading it! 
> 
> If you haven’t already, please check out “I Kissed a Boy”! That’s where I’ll be writing about Jamie and John’s relationship in more detail! 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Jem x


	14. Chapter Fourteen

They say life isn’t easy, it comes with its challenges and it certainly doesn’t go smooth sailing for anyone. Recently, Jamie and Claire had experienced a lot of challenges, ones that could make or break a couple. Right now, they stood on eggshells, still unsure if these issues were going to make them or break them, even though they had both declared that they chose each other. Claire avoided Jamie like the plague, trying to take as many shifts at Little France as she could, because she was beginning to doubt her decision to chose him. Perhaps she should have just chosen herself. It’s not that she didn’t want to be with him, she just didn’t want to face him. She was slowly getting more furious with the situation Jamie had put her in. As she finally processed everything that had happened over the past few days, she realised how easy Jamie had gotten in from her. Any normal person would have very quickly left him, and they’d be right too. Maybe she was just in shock over everything. She did love him, she didn’t know why, but she did. There was something about him that made her want more from him, she desperately needed him, for some reason or another. Maybe, it was because he was Faith’s dad. He was the father of her baby, the only thing living that truly linked her to her baby. They were in that together. But she didn’t know at all, she was still so confused. She spoke to some of her friends at the hospital about if, trying to get perspectives from people that didn’t know him or the situation, really. 

“I’d bloody kill him,” one said, “I’d string him up by the balls.” 

“Maybe he’s just trying to cope with all the emotions of losing your baby too?” Another said. 

“Or maybe he’s just a man. They think with their dick and I mean come on, have you even been giving it to him recently?” 

None of these perspectives helped Claire in the slightest. Instead, she still felt incredibly confused and unsure. She’d work it out eventually. But for now, she would work until she felt she could forgive him. But that might take a while. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“James Alexander Malcom MacKenzie Fraser, I CANNOT believe you have done this to that poor Claire!” Ellen shouted at her son. She was furious at him for his behaviour recently. 

“Ma’...” he whined at her. 

“Don’t you bloody ‘ma’ me, James! You have acted so irresponsibly, you were raised better than this! That poor girl of yours has just lost her child and you bloody well made her worry about your relationship! God I could bloody well bash your mugs about to knock some sense intae ye!” 

“But Ma, if John hadn’t turned up out of the blue I wouldnae be in this predicament!” He whined like a little boy. 

“No, James, if you had TOLD Claire about all of it before now you wouldn’t be where you are now. I honestly cannot believe you didn’t tell her. I thought ye had! And about that boy, trust me when I get my hands on him he’s going to wish he’d never been born!” 

Jamie gulped a little bit. He hadn’t been told off like this since he was little, worst he’d had was a scold. He wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t scared of being clouted round the back of the head. Because he knew it was coming. But he couldn’t answer back to his Mum, he knew a heck of a lot better than that. 

“But honestly James,” Ellen sighed, exasperated with Jamie’s antics, “how could ye no see what ye did was wrong? Yer bloody lucky Claire hasn’t left ye. And ye ken what? I wouldn’t blame her if she did. You’d deserve it because you’ve been acting like a two year old recently. Why didn’t Ye tell her when ye got wi’ her? Why didn’t she know about John?” 

Jamie shrugged. “I-I guess I just wanted to forget John. I really didn’t want to think of him, ah wanted that part of my life behind me so ah just thought that if ah didn’t tell her, it didnae exist.” 

“Yer a bloody stupid arse, Jamie. Ye dinnae hide those things from her. If you truly loved and respected her, ye would have told her.” 

Jamie stood up, fists clenching a little bit in anger at what his mother had said to him. 

“I DO fucking love her! I love her somethin’ fierce! But clearly ye dinnae think I do! No, all you’re doing is shouting at me and tellin’ me off for something!” Jamie almost roared at his Mum. 

“SIT DOWN JAMES ALEXANDER MALCOM MACKENZIE FRASER. AND DON’T YOU EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!” Ellen roared back. 

Nobody talked to Ellen Fraser like that and got away with it. 

“Claire has lost her child, and now she’s facing losing you because of your carelessness!” 

“But you forget, Mother, I LOST my child too! Faith was MY baby too! Everyone seems to be writing off my grief because I wasn’t carrying her! I never got to know my daughter the way Claire did! And yes, I should have told her about John, but I didn’t want to! I didn’t think he would ever come back, I thought he was gone!” Jamie shouted, anger flowing through his words, “So if he wasn’t coming back why should I have told her?” 

“Because you were going to marry her, James! If you’re serious about marrying her, ye should have told her! And I get that yer grieving, but ye shouldnae be blaming that for no telling Claire. Ye’ve had since before she was pregnant tae tell her. So grow up, James Fraser. Yer no a wee boy anymore. Yer a man with responsibilities.” 

Jamie fell back down into his mums sofa, rubbing his hands down his face. He knew he had fucked it, but still, he tried to wriggle his way out of this situation without losing Claire. 

“You’ve got a lot of making up to do, Jamie. If you truly love her, you need to show her it.” 

Jamie nodded weakly, letting out a long exasperated sigh. 

“Now ye best go home, Jamie, before I clout yer lugs about.” Ellen turned away from her son, heading away from him. 

Doing what his mother wished, Jamie stood up and left the house before he got shouted at even more. Looking at his watch, he realised that Claire wasn’t due home for another few hours so he had time to plan something that would surprise her. The walk from his parents home in Musselburgh to his home in Prestonpans took about an hour, so he definitely had time to think about how he would prove to Claire that he did love her. 

Once he reached Prestonpans, he nipped into Lidl. He was going to try and cook dinner for her. Already not looking good, but he had to try. Once he’d scoured round Lidl, he walked up the hill to his house. 

“Fuck,” he grumbled, lifting the Lidl bags onto the worktop and putting them down, “Ah need tae go back to the gym.” 

Once the shopping was away, he checked the time. Claire was due home in three hours. That should be enough time to cook her dinner and at least clean the bathroom, put a wash on and run a hoover through the house. But first, dinner. Jamie had picked up a roast chicken, one that had clear instructions on how to cook it on the label. He knew Claire loved her roast dinners, she dragged him to Elginhaugh Farm often enough for a carvery when she was pregnant. Chicken was a welcome change by him, but he knew she would enjoy it. He preheated the oven and prepped the veg and peeled the tatties while the oven warmed. He wouldn’t need to put them on until closer to when the chicken was ready, but it couldn’t hurt to be prepared. Once the chicken was in the oven and the tatties and veg were prepped, Jamie rolled up his sleeves. Time to get on with the housework. He pulled the hoover out from under the stairs and hooked it up. Following the hoovering of the ground floor, Jamie grumbled to himself, knowing that he’d have to try and hoover the stairs and landing. But, Christ he would do it if it meant showing Claire that he respected her. 

“Jesus bloody Christ, I definitely need to hit the gym again.” Jamie exhaled after hoovering up the stairs, “that was a bloody task and a half...” 

Jamie had quickly worked his way through the housework, cleaning the bathroom, hoovering everywhere and even polishing all the living room furniture, all for Claire. He knew that if he didn’t do it, she would do it after her shift. Jamie didn’t want that. Instead, he planned on running her a hot bubble bath, complete with candles and a large glass of wine. All for her. He’d leave her in peace. No point pressuring her. 

[Doctor Lady: Going to be late. Don’t worry about dinner, I’ll pick something up on the way home.] 

Jame sighed deeply at the text, looking at the oven afterwards. 

[Jamie Fraser: [photo attachment] but I cooked you dinner already?xx] 

[Doctor Lady: Put it in the fridge.]

Jamie sighed deeply, running his hands through his hair. 

Dial tones filled Jamie’s phone, he needed to speak to Claire. He needed to hear her voice. 

“Jamie, I’m at work what is it?” Claire almost snapped. 

“Claire,” he sighed out, “when are you going to be home?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Claire, please.” 

“Jamie, I’ll be home when I’m home.” 

“Claire, I need ye hame. Please just come hame.” 

“I’ve got work.” 

“You were meant to finish half an hour ago, Claire. A’ve got dinner sorted, and the housework.” 

“Jamie...” 

“Please, Claire, I’m begging ye. Please come home.” 

“Fine,” she sighed out, sounding irritated, “I’ll be back in half an hour.” 

“Okay.” Jamie paused, “I love you.” 

“Okay.” Claire hung up. 

Jamie knew he deserved that. He deserves a lot worse than a bumped ‘love you’. 

While he waited on Claire, he decided to set up the blow up mattress in what was Faith’s room. He had a funny feeling that it would be his new bed, hopefully only temporarily. 

A little over half an hour later, Claire came through the front door, looking exhausted from her twelve hour day. She dumped her keys on the table at the front door, sliding off her shoes and hanging up her jacket. 

In the kitchen, Jamie stood, bouquet of flowers in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. Claire looked him up and down, trying to work out what he was doing. Dinner was sat on the table, candelabras lit, a large glass of wine in front of her plate. 

“Claire,” Jamie walked towards her, “A’ve been an arse to ye.” 

“Understatement. But go on.” Claire folded her arms across her chest. 

“But ken that I do love ye, and ah ken that I really need to make all this up tae ye. Yer a fantastic wummin’, Claire Beauchamp, and I fucked everyhin’ up.” 

Jamie put the flowers and chocolate down before moving to put his hands on her waist to look her carefully in the eyes. 

“Ah ken that I’m lucky ye’ve no kicked me out. And ah ken that ye have every reason just tae pack ma bags and put me out on ma ear. But I’m begging ye tae give me a chance.” 

Claire nodded, clicking her tongue a bit. 

“So you expect me to forgive the fact you hid a massive part of your past from me and the fact you snuck about to see him? Hmm. I need to know a few things first.” 

“Anythin’.” 

“Do you still love him?” 

Jamie took a minute, trying to really think of what to say. 

“If ye had asked me the other day,” he started, “ma answer might have been yes, because he was back and all ma old feelings came back. But now, Sassenach, now I think I just love the idea of him. I love what ah had wi’ him...” 

“Do you want to go back to him?” 

“No.” Jamie deadpanned. “That chapter’s shut, ah swear it. A-after meetin’ with him the other day, I realised just how much I don’t want him. I-I wanted tae kiss him and hold him-“ 

Claire looked furious, poised ready to leave. 

“Claire-“ Jamie grabbed her arm, holding her gently, “but I realised that it was just habit. It’s what ma body wanted to dae. Ye huv tae remember that he was my boyfriend for a wee bitty over five years, maist of my experiences were with him, he was always there when things went wrong and he was always there for comfort. And with the fact he turned up now, now of all times when am still grieving our Faith, I thought I needed his comfort. I thought it was meant to happen, that he was always meant to be there for me even if not romantically. But I didn’t do anything, I wouldn’t do anything. Ah need you, Claire... John isn’t worth throwing you away fur. God has given me a rare women in ye, Claire.” Jamie looked ready to cry, he wasn’t ready to give Claire up. 

“How can I trust you now, Jamie? How can I trust that if he turns up again you won’t go back to him?” 

“He won’t come back...” 

“How do you know that, Jamie?” Claire almost shouted, “he could just turn up out of the blue again like he did last week.” 

“I’ve told him straight that I don’t want tae see him again,” Jamie gulped, “it took everything ah had, but I did it. And I swear it, if he turns up again and I act foolish again, ah will pack ma ain bags and go.” Jamie looked Claire in the eyes, both sets were full of tears. 

Claire stood for a minute, examining Jamie’s expressions. He must really regret it. 

“Okay. One chance, Fraser. You have one chance, any fuck ups at all and you’re gone.” 

Jamie nodded weakly. He understood this, of course he did. It didn’t mean it hurt any less. 

Claire sighed and took a seat at the dinner table, looking at the meal in front of her. 

“Did you actually cook this?” She asked, carefully picking up a piece of chicken with her fork and taking a bite. 

“Y-Yeah, I didn’t even ask Ma’.” Jamie sat across from Claire, barely picking at his food, “but that was through fear of being clouted.” He mumbled. 

“Why?” 

“I went round this morning and talked to her about everythin’. And she got angry at me, I’m lucky she didn’t clout my lugs. But she didn’t threaten it.” 

Claire smiled weakly, “good. You deserve it.” 

Jamie nodded weakly. He let Claire eat her dinner and sip at her wine, when she had almost finished her glass, he quickly topped it up for her. When she was almost finished her meal, he excused himself and left the table. 

Claire heard water running up the stairs, curious as to what Jamie was doing, she followed the noise of the water to the bathroom. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Uhm,” Jamie gulped, “I’m running you a bubble bath... I thought you might need it. Ah-Ah can give ye a foot rub too?” 

“Mhm.” Claire nodded a little, clearly liking the sound of a bath and a foot rub. She didn’t even need to beg for it, so of course she was happy. 

She put the lid of the toilet seat down and sat atop it, motioning for the foot rub. Jamie smiled softly, kneeling down to begin the foot rub. When Claire looked up, she noticed Faith’s bedroom door was open and sat in the middle of the floor was the blow up mattress. 

“Have we a guest?” 

“What? Oh.” Jamie looked down, continuing Claire’s foot rub, “ah thought I’d give ye space and sleep through there until ye want me back wi’ ye.” He gulped. 

“Oh, Jamie, I didn’t ask you to do that.” 

“No, but I thought I ought tae gie ye some space. Just tell me when ye want me back and I’ll come back tae bed wi’ ye and not a minute sooner.” 

Claire nodded weakly. 

“Now, Sassenach, I’ll let ye get yer bath.” Jamie smiled softly, standing up and turning the taps off for her. 

“Thank you.” 

Jamie just nodded, leaving her to it. He walked downstairs again to clean up from dinner. He had decided that Claire wasn’t to do any housework for the next wee while, he needed to step up and do it. That is, of course, if she still wants him. 

Claire rested back in her bath and closed her eyes. She felt relieved that Jamie had been trying to make an effort, but that doesn’t mean he’s out of the woods yet, he still had a lot of grovelling to do. Even if it took weeks or months, Claire needed more proof that Jamie was committed to her and not this John. 

But who knew what was going to happen. The next few weeks were truly going to make or break them and that terrified the pair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I understand some people have had issues with the previous chapters and I understand it all. I know it’s cost me some readers and some people really don’t like it. So, I’ve uploaded this chapter to test the waters again. 
> 
> But I have one question. Do you all want me to continue the story? 
> 
> Jem x


	15. Chapter Fifteen

As weeks passed, Jamie and Claire slowly began to grow again. They found their feet in their relationship once more. It was a long and arduous process, moving forward. It sufficed to say that there were times where Claire just wanted to jack it all in and move back in with Joe, because of Jamie’s immaturity. There were times where Jamie had secretly wished that he had run back to John, but they were times that Claire and he were at a head; arguing and shouting at each other until their throats were coarse and headaches filled their skull from all the crying. They would never ever admit these feelings to the other, scared that they would just walk out of their life for good. Instead, they both held onto that glimmer of hope they had in them.

_“Fuck you, Fraser! Just fuck you! You’re a goddamn bloody bastard and I hope you rot in hell!” Claire screamed at him, throwing her slipper at Jamie’s head._

_“Oh how fucking imaginative, Beauchamp! It’s not like I haven’t heard that one before, I have been to fucking Pride!” Jamie roared back, ducking the slipper._

_“Oh yeah!? You think I’m fucking telling you to rot in hell because you’re bisexual? Get a fucking grip of yourself, James Fraser, not everything revolves around your fucking sexuality! I couldn’t give two shits if you’ve fucked a man, I just fucking care about us and our fucking relationship but no, with you, everything fucking seems to go back to your fucking sexuality!”_

_“You don’t think I care about our relationship, Sassenach? I’m the one who fucking proposed to you, I was the fool that fucking asked you to marry me!”_

_“Yes, and you’re also the fool that fucking contemplated going back to your fucking ex when times got hard! We lost Faith and you just about jumped ship when we were getting back on track, Jamie! That bloody ex of yours showed up at our door and you just about left in his arms, didn’t you!?” She screamed at him, almost blue in the face, “didn’t you, Jamie Fraser!?”_

_“No!” He roared back, clenching his fists, shouting in her face, “If I truly wanted to be with him I wouldn’t be here screaming at you now would I!? I’d probably be with him! Is that what you’d rather I did? I fucking go back to the man who broke my heart, huh!?”_

_Claire began to cry out of anger._

_“Of course not, you bloody fool! I want you here, with me! But I fucking want the Jamie I fell in love with! I want the Jamie that is Faith’s father! Not this new version of yourself you’ve become recently!”_

 

Of course, arguments like those weren’t amiss in their relationship, it often seemed like the only thing they knew to do since they lost Faith and this John came into their lives and turned everything on its head. But, with every argument, they had rough and passionate make-up sex. Since they began arguing, their sex life improved with them feeling more confident to explore each other and push sexual boundaries.

_“I was thinking,” Claire mumbled, flicking through her phone, “would you be opposed to being more experimental? Y’know spice things up in the bedroom?”_

_“What are ye suggesting, Sassenach?” Jamie raised an eyebrow, rubbing his hands along Claire’s thigh._

_“Why don’t we go into town and get some toys from Ann Summers? Or, if you’re too proud for that, we could order something from LoveHoney or the online Ann Summers store.”_

_Jamie looked like he was thinking everything through carefully, nodding ever so slightly._

_“W-would you be opposed to pegging?” Jamie looked a little red in the face when he asked Claire this question, completely unsure how she’d react._

_She sat there for a moment, trying to think about what Jamie was asking._

_“So, as in, I fuck you? We get a strap-on?”_

_Jamie nodded weakly, scared to admit that he did miss the anal sex part of his relationship._

_“Yeah, I guess we could. But only if I get to be dominant when doing it.” She smirked, giving Jamie a wee wink._

_Jamie felt all the blood rush down south, his jeans becoming tight at the thought of his Sassenach being dominant just turned him on greatly._

 

So their relationship improved sexually, both of them beginning to really realise what it was they enjoyed in the bedroom. They would both always admit that this was a positive to their situation, their sex life dramatically improved and they both matured sexually. It was just the arguments they had to sort. An argument between Jamie and Claire could last for days on end, both too stubborn to apologise or stop their little digs. Thankfully, their arguments became less frequent. So there was light at the end of the tunnel.

 

One night, Jamie had cooked dinner, something simple; he was still trying to work out ways to help fix their relationship, but nothing appeared to be working as of yet. Claire still didn't quite trust him, and he understood why.

 

”Claire, ” Jamie gulped, looking down at his plate of food, moving a bit of veg back and forth, ”w-what do you think about me goin’ tae get counselling fur all my issues?”

 

Claire looked up at him, her face full of sympathy for the other. She thought about for a minute before nodding slowly.

 

”I think that would be a good idea, Jamie. But, ” she sighed, ”I think we both ought to go couples counselling to work through this because right now, as well. I can't see us getting away from it without help.”

 

Claire moved her hand and rested on top of Jamie’s. A weak smile formed on both their lips.

 

”And I don't know why, Fraser, but I can't be without you.”

 

”I know.” Jamie looked down again,” I can't be without you either, Claire. Ah c-can’t lose you and I'm so lucky you haven't left me, y-ye’ve had every right to.”

 

“I know, Jamie.” Claire’s hand did not move from atop of Jamie’s, instead she squeezed it a little bit. “But I do want to be with you, Jamie. I just wish you were honest with me from the start and I wish you didn't sneak around so much about it.”

 

A look of shame and disappointment appeared on Jamie’s face, he gulped.

 

“I was stupid, ah ken it. Ah ken that I handled it wrong and that ah should have talked tae ye, Claire.”

 

“Jamie, if you had wanted to see John, I would have gone with you. I would never ever deny you your resolution about it. I think that it was something you needed to do. But for crying out loud, why did you sneak about?”

 

“Ah think, ” Jamie cleared his throat, trying to remove the lump that had formed in his throat, ”ah think I was scared that you would leave me, like John did. Ah was so, so feart of it.”

 

“Jamie, if I wanted to leave you because I was frightened, I would have left you when I fell pregnant and again when we lost Faith. But please don't think I would ever leave you for your past, ” Claire tried to comfort both herself and her partner, ”but your bloody behaviour recently has almost drove me to walking out.”

 

Jamie looked up in fear, his eyes filling with tears, he tried to hold them back but that was certainly something he struggled to do. He pushed his dinner to the side and stood up to grab a piece of kitchen roll, drying his eyes a little bit.

 

“Claire, ” he sniffed, “please ken that I am so utterly sorry. But I’m just so scared to lose ye, I fucked ye about so much and it almost caused ye tae leave. But please ken I'm tryin’. I'm tryin’ tae be a better man for ye and for our future.”

 

Claire stood up and moved to pull Jamie into a cuddle. She wrapped her arms around his middle and held him right, nestling her face into his chest. Jamie held her tightly, his face buried into her curls.

 

“Jamie, I know you’re trying, I do. But you must give me time to work everything out. But we need to get counselling, we need someone who knows what they're talking about to help us.” Claire moved back a little bit to look at him in the eye.

 

“I just don’t know what else I can do to make it up to you, Claire.” Jamie mumbled, ”Ah canna bear ye being like this wi’ me, ah wish ah had done everything better.”

 

Claire sighed deeply.

 

“Jamie, I suppose you just panicked and decided against it. But you're trying, I do get that.” Claire smiled,” but tell me one thing. You're not thinking about getting counselling because your mum told you to did you?”

 

Jamie shook his head.

 

“No, ” he looked at Claire, ”I’m getting it because ah know ah need it. Ah knew ah needed it after John left me the way he did, but I th-thought I could cope. And th-then when I met you, I just shut it out even more because ah just wanted ye tae like me and want me, not a messed-up version of me that needed help fae someone.”

 

“Jamie, I wouldn't have cared. But because you neglected to get any help, I’m now having to try and cope with someone who’s not even sure if it’s me or the ex he wants. You’ve become so muddled that it’s difficult to love you, it is so, so difficult.”

 

“Claire, please never think that ah don’t want you. Cause it is you, it will always be you, Sassenach. B-But please, give me one mare chance, one more to prove tae ye that ah need ye, that ah want ye more than I ever wanted him.”

 

Claire sighed, “I promise to give you every chance you need, Fraser. But you have to promise me that he is behind you, that we cannot live in the past anymore.”

 

Jamie nodded weakly, leaning down to kiss Claire’s forehead softly.

 

“I love you, Beauchamp.”

 

“I know.” She smiled weakly.

 

“Aw right Han Solo, let’s get back tae dinner, it’s bound tae be freezin’ now.”

 

The next day, Jamie enquired about a counsellor. He was determined to make a difference in his relationship, determined to try and if that meant receiving counselling for his issues, then so be it. He knew he had a lot of deep-set issues that needed ironed out.

 

His sessions started a week later, with Jamie keeping every Tuesday to his “therapy days”. At first, he struggled to talk about his issues, but once he had opened up, Jamie had felt a large sense of release. Something had been lifted from him and he felt like a newer person. Whether it was the fact he had talked to someone other than John, Claire, Ian, Jenny or his mum about it, or the fact that he was just talking, he didn’t know. What he did know, however, was that any feelings for John started to vanish. Of course, his lust for him changed quickly to anger once he began to think realistically. His mind was no longer clouded by John William Grey, instead, he began to think of Claire. Of his wife-to-be. Initially, he thought that his counselling sessions would be over once his John issues were ironed out and solved. Then the counsellor brought up Faith. The key to more issues. Jamie still hadn’t completely processed the fact that he had lost his baby girl, he hadn’t quite understood how his child could be thriving and okay one day and then gone the next. Yet he still managed to get over these issues. His feelings about losing Faith were resolved, to an extent, for you can never truly get over the loss of a child. Jamie left his final counselling session feeling new, he felt like a newer better man. The ghosts that had haunted him for years had now been banished.

 

While Jamie attended his own counselling sessions, he did also attend couples counselling with Claire, per her request. Together they worked through all their issues that had caused tension within their relationship. Of course, there was a lot to air. Frank. John. Faith. Jenny’s occasional meddling and of course, the fact that Claire had suffered a lot of loss in her life. Only during their counselling sessions did Jamie truly realise how many people Claire had lost in her life. His fiancée had lost both of her grandparents, her parents, her uncle, Frank and Faith and she had almost lost Jamie due to his clear emotional immaturity. His darling fiancée was strong considering all that she had lost. This revelation had helped Jamie through his own issues, he had been focussing too much on him and not enough on Claire. That was beginning to change, Claire was now his priority. Claire had also begun to realise the severity of Jamie’s connection to John. While she had experienced plenty loss in her life, she hadn’t quite taken into consideration that Jamie had only ever lost John and Faith. John was his first love, his first real heartbreak and then he had shown up barely a month after they had lost Faith. That was bound to bring up old wounds and cause him to overreact and struggle to think or act clearly.

 

Both had worked hard at their counselling, desperate to make a difference in their behaviours and attitudes to other’s problems. Throughout their sessions, they began to realise how much they needed each other. Despite their flaws, they wanted to be close to one another. Jamie and Claire had felt drawn to one another, no matter their issues, they would have rather argued and been together than be apart for any length of time. But thanks to First Psychology Edinburgh, they walked away from their sessions feeling like a new couple all over again. They knew that they would still have to work hard at their relationship for now just to keep it at the level they had found themselves and eventually, they would feel more natural and relaxed. They wanted to make this work, and for each other, they would. No more lies, no more secrets, just plain and honest truth between them.

 

A few months after their counselling had finished, Jamie and Claire had relaxed properly into their routines. They truly were happy with one another. Jamie had been prescribed anti-depressants to cope with his anxiety and ever-present depression, and these had been helping him work through everything. All thoughts of a wedding had been put on the back burner, at least until they both felt ready to be truly committed. It was agreed that they should maybe just forgo the engagement, until they were ready at least. This allowed for them to relearn everything about the other without feeling completely committed. It also gave them an easier out, should they feel that they need it, not that they wanted it. But the option was there to prove that they weren’t forcing one another to stay. And never once did they consider using the out.

 

But one night, before Claire had gotten back from work, Jamie had decided to plan a romantic night in. In the past eight months since they lost Faith and John appeared, Jamie had been improving his cooking, to the point he was able to cook quite elaborate dishes. But tonight, he made a simplistic meal; homemade steak pie with homemade chips. Claire’s favourite. He had also made a sticky toffee pudding from scratch also. His favourite. The table was lit with candelabras, rose petals led the way from the front door to the kitchen. He stood waiting for Claire, wearing the clothes he had on their first date. In his back pocket sat another engagement ring, this one had cost him a bit more. But for Claire it was worth it, he had specially picked out this ring with their little angel in mind.

 

“Jamie?” Claire called, sounding slightly confused.

 

“Through here, Sassenach. Follow the petals!”

 

Jamie pulled the ring out of his back pocket and got down on one knee, holding the box in his hand, waiting for Claire to come back through.

 

“Jamie, what’s going-“ Claire walked through to the kitchen, gasping a little.

 

“Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp,” Jamie smiled up at her, “I love you so, so much. I love how you’ve been there, even when you didn’t want to, I love that you have stayed, despite often wanting to flee. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I ache tae be with ye for the rest of my natural life. So, will ye dae me the honour of marrying me and becoming Mrs Jamie Fraser?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much for my hiatus, eh! 
> 
> But here is the final chapter for Anchor to Hold. I decided to leave it here for everyone wondering about the storyline. Thank you to CasualOutlanderFan; the way you wrote your comment really inspired me to stay on. Also thank you to mizzmo22, for inspiring me too.
> 
> If there is a demand for it, I will write an alternate ending that would be from chapter 12 onwards and finish before the wedding.
> 
> Please subscribe to the series as I might be uploading a sequel! 
> 
> Jem x

**Author's Note:**

> So! This is my first fic in a fair while so bare with me! I'll be updating as and when I can, I was an idiot and decided to start this during my honours year - so updates may be either be sporadic or I'll update a lot!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy! 
> 
> Jem x


End file.
